Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas! It is December 25th and Christ is born! What a wonderful day and wonderful season. I had the pleasure of spending 10 days in Uganda this holiday season at a transitional rehab home called Dwelling Places. It was 88 degrees most days and did not feel like Christmas. Christmas isn't as commercialized there as it is here and so I didn't hear the songs playing every 5 minutes nor did I see decorations hanging everywhere. It didn't feel like Christmas when we were walking down our dirt roads or hanging out together. It only felt like Christmas when the team started to bond and become closer or when the kids eyes lit up everytime they saw us. It did feel like Christmas when little Reagan, asked me to read from his picture bible only 4 or 5 years old. When Irene made me a Christmas card. Those children made it feel like Christmas. And what a Christmas it was for them! We were able to bring sheets, clothes, toys, toothbrushes, toothpaste, bags, dolls, cars, balls and many more things for these precious children. The place we volunteered at has on average over 300 children to stay throughout the year. But during the holidays, they try to send them home to their families or relatives if they have any. Those who have to stay at Dwelling Places are usually the forgotten, the lost..the orphans. So we were able to come in and love them like Jesus. And give them some Christmas presents....they wouldn't have any presents otherwise. These 40 children were able to have some kind of Christmas because of people who donated and because we went. And in return, they made me feel at home and made me remember the reason for the season. It doesn't matter what the temperature is or where I am at, Christmas is to be celebrated for 1 reason only. I hate that its turned into 'who can buy the better gift' for some but I hope that every Christmas I can be humbled like I was for those 10 days. And I hope we all remember that Jesus came for each and everyone of us. He came from His Throne in Heaven to this measly little earth for me. So I could look God in the face and worship Him for who He is. What a priceless gift and one worth celebrating.

My Ebenezer or (my encouragement)

Not sure why I am going through the things I'm going through. But God has a plan and He has revealed some of it to me tonight. I was reading in my journal from a year ago and can't believe how far I have come. The prayers that I wrote a year ago today have been answered. So the things I'm praying for today, I can trust that they will too come true. He is here with me everyday. In prayer, he brought me to a song by David Crowder. It is his rendition of the classic hymn, "Come Thou Fount." The words have always been special to me but they had new meaning tonight. I actually looked deeper into the meanings of the word. (if you count dictionary.com as looking into them deeper) Here is my new version of the popular hymn.

Source of everything good in my life,
put me in line with you;
The way your blessings fall down on me
calls for me to praise you while everyone can see.
So why don't you teach me how to sing
To sing like the angels above
Praise you Father; the One who upholds me
Because of your redeeming love!

Here I raise my 'stone' of help
I have come to this place only by your Help.
And one day, by your doing,
I will arrive in Heaven, my ultimate Home.
Jesus pursued me when I refused to look to Him.
leaving the God that saves
He wanted to rescue me from darkness
The only intervention was by His dying on the cross for me.

Now I am forever in debt
Everyday in fact I am in debt to my King.
I want your goodness to shackle me to You.
bind my wandering heart to You.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
prone to leave the God I love;
here's my heart, O take and seal it,
seal it for thy courts above.

Wow, thank you Lord. You couldn't be more near to me right now. I confess that even after knowing this, I will still wander. Sorry.
But I know that just like a year ago, you didn't let me stay in that place. You called me up higher and brought me to a new level. And now you are calling me higher and want me to grow even more. So hither, I will come. I present my Ebenezer to You and for all to see. My journal is proof of your faithfulness and gives me encouragement for the road ahead.

Silence from Above

John 11:6

From Oswald Chambers, "My upmost for His Highest"

Has God trusted you with His silence—a silence that has great meaning? God's silences are actually His answers. Just think of those days of absolute silence in the home at Bethany! Is there anything comparable to those days in your life? Can God trust you like that, or are you still asking Him for a visible answer? God will give you the very blessings you ask if you refuse to go any further without them, but His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into an even more wonderful understanding of Himself. Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response? When you cannot hear God, you will find that He has trusted you in the most intimate way possible—with absolute silence, not a silence of despair, but one of pleasure; because He saw that you could withstand an even bigger revelation. If God has given you a silence, then praise Him—He is bringing you into the mainstream of His purposes. The actual evidence of the answer in time is simply matter of God's sovereignty. Time is nothing to God. For a while you may have said, "I asked God to give me bread, but He gave me a stone instead" (see Matthew 7:9). He did not give you a stone, and today you find that He gave you the "bread of life" (John 6:35).

A wonderful thing about God's silence is that His stillness is contagious—it gets into you, causing you to become perfectly confident so that you can honestly say, "I know that God has heard me." His silence is the very proof that He has. As long as you have the idea that God will always bless you in answer to prayer, he will do it but He will never give you the grace of His silence. If Jesus Christ is bringing you into the understanding that prayer is for the glorifying of His Father, that He will give you the first sign of His intimacy—silence.







And I will sit in His silence...

Our days are but fleeting...

If you could love me as a wife...
And for my wedding get your life...
Should that be all I'll ever need
or is there more I'm looking for

And I should I read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich and wise
Is that really what you want?

I am a whore I do confess...
I put you on just like a wedding dress
run down the isle, run down the isle...

Well, I am a prodigal with no way home
Put you on just like a ring of gold
and run down the isle, run down the isle...
to You....

Could you love this bastard child
No, I don't trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and the other in Your side...

Because I am so easily satisfied
by the call of a lover so less wild
that I would take a little cash
Over Your very flesh and blood

Cause I am a whore I do confess
I put you on just like a wedding dress
and run down the isle, run down the isle...

I'm a prodigal with no way home
Put you on just like a ring of gold
and run down the isle, run down the isle
to You...

because money can not buy
a husbands jealous eye
when you have knowingly deceived his wife.

-DEREK WEBB "WEDDING DRESS"

This is a song by Derek Webb...describing what I think is the plight of humanity. It's about dealing with sin...but worse than that is how we return to sin again and again even after coming into the presence of our Savior, the man who saved us from our sin. And the worse thing is that we have to face Him over and over again after sinning, repenting, sinning, repenting. How awful is our human condition. But more awful than that is the fact that Our Lord has to put up with it. I find myself relating to the adultress that is Gomer found in Hosea. Gomer was a whore. Takes money in return for sexual favors. Hosea, under the direction of God married her anyway. The Lord wanted to prove a single point in this story...that He will return to the fornicating land of Israel time and time again. Hosea 3:1 says "Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes."

As I walk down the journey of life, I have come face to face with my faults, my shortcoming, my weaknesses, my sin. I see my adulteress spirit and see it wandering far from God and back to Him again. I can't do it on my own I find. So what do I do? I ask for forgivienss and immediately slip back on the wedding band, and the dress that God clothed me in as He called me His own. When it pleases me, I just slip off the band and dress, and the risk involved with following an unseen God. I revert to my old ways. I get unhappy and then decide to put back on the cloak of hope that is Jesus Christ. Just like song says, I act as a whore, a modern-day Gomer to my Lord, my bridgegroom, my Savior.

Oh, but He is there to recieve me at the end of the isle time and time again. I feel sorry for the Spirit that has to grieve everytime I depart from Him. I am the prodigal son who goes and squanders his money on wild living only to be received with open arms by His good, loving, faithful Father. I don't like being in the position of the prodigal son. Although, it is nice to know that I do have a Savior it sucks to realize that this is how it will be until we get to Heaven. Our only hope is in heaven and we must wait for the Ultimate wedding between Jesus and His Church. How I long to be reconciled to Him now. To drink of the living water...to not be satisfied by eathly things...I can be so easily tempted by things of the World but have found only true satisfaction, fulfillment and joy in putting to death the misdeeds of the Flesh, of the World, and living by the Spirit who testifies to God's will in my life. If I find fulfillment in living a life Holy and pleasing to God, then why do I still choose to daily live a life that may not be Holy, but full of colors like scarlet, crimson and anything that is white and pure? Like Derek says, I am easily satisfied by a lover far less wild...I would rather take a little cash for His very flesh and blood. It doesn't have to be cash; it could be some superficial comfort, clothes, food, alcohol, holding onto bitterness, ect in return for getting what you think you want. Derek leaves the song only talking about how things are left here on earth...with us whoring around. But what if we could finish it? It may sound like this...

So much to do, so much to prepare
to walk back down the isle, if I dare
I must find my way back to You
Whatever it takes, my works will do

What happened My Lord, my groom? My works won't do!
I still find myself using You,
I am broken to pieces, realizing that I am nothing
I can do absolutely nothing for my King.

However, there is a Hope that outlasts me
It shines past my sin and lets me be
I can carry on with this Hope from day to day
no matter what I ever do, think, or say.

Where can you find this Hope after the fall?
It is not seen because Hope seen is no Hope at all
Instead it lies in our patience and faith
being built upon by the Keeper of the Gates

"Don't grow weary! For at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we don't give up! "
-Galations 6:9

Don't give up on yourself.....God will gladly marry us 77 times 7 times and I assure you He will make a brand new beautiful wedding dress each and every time with a new beautiful sparkling wedding band. It's not about how much we decide to come back to Him and how good we are for repenting and seeking to live a better life for God. No, afraid not...it has nothing to do with us. You see, God will let us see our sin again and again and again and will let us walk back down the isle to Him again and again and again to show US how much HE loves us. We can try all we want to be justified by our works and by our actions here on the earth. But no matter how good they make us feel about ourselves, that doesn't defeat the Truth...the fact that Jesus had to come to earth to die for us. Don't you think before Jesus came to earth that there were good people? People who did the right thing, went to church every Sunday, tithed 10%, and fed the poor? Jesus had to come anyway because we can't save ourselves. Rather He came to save us FROM ourselves. Here I am Lord...running back down the isle to You....

God doesn't just have 20/20 vision...He has Jesus vision!

I have wanted to write about some new developments in my walk with the Lord for a while now. I have been hesitant. I feel overwhelmed with things I need to get done and the sin I need to overcome though before I can accept His blessing. But this is so wrong! I've already been giving this gift...It was given to me over 2000 years ago. All I have to do is accept it. Whatever joy that I have on this earth is just second rate. No marriage, no career, no amount of money could compare with the riches found in Christ Jesus. Nothing. And lucky me...I've found it! I find it everynight when I am laying in bed thinking about how I could have done things differently that day. How I could have reached someone better if only I had chosen different words...or how I should have kept my mouth shut in that instance, or how I should have said no to the extra desert and how I should be able to practice self-control. Blah blah blah...I screw up everyday!!! What a relief to know that God working in my life doesn't depend on my faithfulness. Isn't it refreshing that Him speaking to me through His Word doesn't have anything to do with how I treated others that day....that not going to church every sunday (or any Sunday) has nothing to do with how much He cares about me....that Him moving in my life doesn't depend on how much I can love others. You see, He views me with a different set of glasses....we see with human vision but He sees with Jesus vision. We are put through a filter where all He sees when He sees me is His perfectness(Is that a word? No...okay well, it should be.) Because in His sight, I am perfect. I screw up EVERYDAY and don't read my bible and don't go to church, and have a bad attitude, and say cuss words, and think bad thoughts about people and then do bad things to people...yet I am perfect when He is wearing His Jesus glasses. You see, when He sees me, He sees Jesus. Who was perfect. A perfect Son. A Son that God let go to come and cover me up. So that when He looked at me in all my filth and earth and dirt, He would see my perfectness. And why would He withhold His love, faithfulness, grace, blessings, ect from someone as perfect as His Son? He wouldn't. How much He longs to give good gifts to those He loves! All it takes is me realizing, accepting it, and living in that each day!! And that's all it takes for you too!!

No...about the new developments in my walk...that will come later. It's just awesome to know that God can be moving in my life, in my heart, in my mind without depending on me to have all the answers. How crazy it seems to trust your life to this crazy untame God! But how marvelous at the same time!!

Are You still there?

Sometimes, when needed, I have to demand in prayerful persistence for God to prove Himself to me. For Him to come back to me after spiritual dryness. I pray for His presence to overwhelm me again. He has been faithful time and time again! No matter how long the season of dryness is. During my back troubles, it seemed to last forever. Several months. He came back into a visible tangible presence in more and better ways that I could ever imagine. Well, in times of growth and maturity, He leaves for a time. He never leaves my side but His visible presence is not to be felt for a while. I grow to miss Him and to miss His leading. After tons of time together with Him while I was in New Zealand, I came back to the states totally dry and void. I was almost numb upon arriving home. I prayed for the "fine china to dine off of" instead of the paper plates I was getting. (Shane and Shane) He came back into my life physically bigger than ever!!

I made a prayer journal for the summer for myself. I neglected to write in it a lot however. So, I decided to start using it now to write down facts and information about the nations. I decided to do a different country each week and to pray for that country. I wanted to do it to educate me on the rest of the world as well as praying for real needs. I decided to do all countries in Africa. I randomly put my finger on the big continent and it landed on Libya. However, like so many other projects that I want to start, this one didn't seem to lift off the ground. After forgetting about this idea for a while, God brought it back to my heart in a powerful way. I had some free time and was sitting in front of the tv. I pulled out my computer and when I opened up my Internet explorer to my country of the day(my home page delivers a new country to my eyes everyday to pray for), guess what it was? Libya!! I immediately remembered and God said, turn off the tv, get on your knees and start praying for this country! I looked up fact after fact and my heart began to break for this country that I hadn't thought twice of before. I found myself crying before my computer screen. In a country of 6 over million, there are only 100,000 Christians. It is an Arab country and 97% are Sunni Muslim. I was crying for this dark place! I have been praying for this country all week as God continues to give me a heart of compassion for them! That night, I began to sense His presence once more and He began to quench my thirst with His living water. Now all I want to do is take the water to Libya and feed them!! Lord, are you calling me to Libya? Are you calling me an Arab nation in the 10/40 window?

Only time will tell...as long as my heart continues to seek after Him! And the spiritual dryness must come routinely so that my heart WILL continue to seek Him! Not just seek, but seek HARD after Him! We don't exist just in the highs but also in the lows. If there were no lows, we wouldn't know how high the highs can get!

Beautiful New Zealand...

I have to keep asking myself, "Am I really here?" It is so hard to believe that I have the opportunity and privledge to be in one of the most beautiful countries in the world. And not by my idea...it was totally God that sent me here! How cool! I only have 3 more nights here and I am still figuring out exactly why I am here. Part of why I can't write out...yet...I think. Sometimes, the Lord can be so extreme and so unbelievable that it is hard to believe that I am living in His will. I think, "I'm living an absolute dream." When I was first walking with the Lord, I used to really look forward to living the dream that God was painting in my heart. So now, that I am walking firm with Him and actually living a life created for me, it is almost overwhelms me. I think these pictures sum up the beauty of New Zealand...and I have nothing more to say as I can't compete with the pictures... :)

I see Johnny Depp everywhere out here!!

I thought Atlanta ran at a fast pace. Which it does. But it is something all together different here. I can't put my finger on it. It reminds me of my time in Dalton. I lived there for 18 years but I am now just learning the colors that the trees turn. Or how beautiful a sunset it as you drive down Waugh Street. I spent most of my time there wishing that I could just get out of that town. Hoping for something more. I neglected to see what was right in front of me. I am not just talking about landscapes I missed out on. But also people!! I missed out on so many potential relationships because I had my head in the clouds. With my classmates, teammates, and family members. I feel that people here are missing out on so much. The same 'busy'ness exists here but in a different form. It may be a lot worse. People aren't taking the time to notice anything. Honestly, people really get on my nerves. It is kinda wearing on me. People are so quick to blow their horns. That exists in Atlanta sure but there are some grounded people who let you out in front of you. Not me....I am sure that I am the only person in this city who let a person out. I mean, why else would the lady look so shocked and surprised when I motioned for her to go ahead of me. Dealing with people who are such in a rush, made me think of the note card I keep on my dashboard. It says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Jesus Commands us to Love one another. This has no exceptions. Not because those people deserve our love and have given us love first, but just because....in view of the Cross. So yesterday, when I was driving, this women was cussing me out. I could read her lips in the rear view mirror. She had been laying on the horn because I refused to run the red light. Sitting in her designer shades behind her fancy Mercedes Benz, she is NOT acting like a lady should and is instead putting curses on me. So this is my thought process. "Lord, I really want to flick her off right now. I want to follow in my daddy's footsteps and get out of my car and go and give her a piece of my mind." "Whitney, your attitude should be the same as Christ Jesus." Crap. I think how can I treat others, especially those who are so mean, ugly, rude and nasty, better than myself? Isn't that what Christ did? I heard in a sermon recently by Andy Stanely, a way to start out doing this. He said to picture your favorite celebrity. What would you do if they were to walk in the room right now? Well naturally I thought of Johnny Depp. Not only is he absolutely gorgeous but he is also....well what does it matter? He is breathtaking to look at. So what would I do if he were to walk into my room? I would be falling over myself. Making sure he had everything he needed. If he was blowing his horn at me then I would think he probably had some perfect explanation as to why he was in a hurry, I would run the redlight for him, I would let him drive around me, I would get out of my car and stop the other lanes of traffic so he could get to where he was going. Now, here is the punchline. We are to treat everyone as if they are movie stars! Wasn't I treating Mr. Depp as better than myself? Of course....and that is what Christ commands. Not because that women in the Benz deserves it...because she doesn't. But I should treat her like royalty because I don't deserve it and that is the treatment I get from Christ. It makes things a lot easier. So needless to say...out in the sunny state of California, I am seeing Johnny Depp EVERYWHERE!!! Love you guys...

Lessons learned on the African Terrain...

So most of you know that I spent the summer in Africa in '06. I grew so much....or I should say that I died so much. My life as I knew it was completely and utterly ruined. I will never be the same. Ya know, we were over there to serve the Swazi people, to love on them, and to meet their needs, but honestly, I took away so much more from them...more then I ever gave to them. I think that is a big point of missions. We, here in America, sitting in our comfortable chairs, with good houses, access to clean water, food ect ect, think we can do so much for those......over there. Yes, we may can supply their physical needs. But the truth is, they are living the dream. You see, the majority of them have found contentment in the little that they do have. They have to skip dinner because they have no money. And they praise the Lord. They have to walk 5 miles to work and back. And they praise God. They work ALL DAY LONG just to put food on the table every night...neglecting other things that life can offer like education...or FUN...because they don't have any other choice. Yet they praise God. They are truly happy. That was a big lesson I learned. And a hard one to learn. It's hard realizing that everything you have ever had your whole life means nothing. I mean a lot of us make up our identities based on the car we drive, the place we work, the house we live in, or the friends we surround ourselves with. Without some of these things, we would fall apart. And that is exactly what happened to me. I was completely broken....I had to depend on God....like most of the Swazis have been doing their whole life. Below is a journal entry from June 16th 2006. Ahhhhh, I can't believe that I am posting it. It is so personal and intimate but yet I will be walking in disobedience if I don't share it. I hope you can see the change in me. If Jesus has come into your life and not WRECKED it completely then you don't know Jesus. Not like He was meant to be known. And I honestly think that the relationship with Him begins when you realize that you have nothing apart from Him. When you are broken and asking to be poured out like a drink. Missions is a great way to gain perspective and for God to show up and meet YOUR needs...all along you think you are meeting their needs....HA! Can you hear God laugh? I think God has laughed quite a bit at my poor expense....but that is for another day....:)



June 16th, 2006....this was right when I got home from home visits where we actually went out into the community and visited the locals...saw them exactly how they live...I was devastated at first...



"I don't know what to do or think or say. I went on home visits today and saw some pretty sad things. I'm overwhelmed. I don't know what to change. What does it mean to be prosperous? The Lord says He wants to prosper us and to give us hope and a future. How is an old gogo who sits on a mat all day long, who doesn't get to eat for days straight, and has no children...how is that prosperous? It's not fair God!! Why do I equate prosperous with money and things? I feel that everyone deserves to live like Americans. God, why are people so poor? Why is it so ingrained in my brain? I just want to go home and be with my family. I never want to go back and see what I saw. I don't want to be a missionary overseas. God, what do you want me to learn from this? I prayed for brokenness but I didn't expect this. My heart is broken and I'm aching. I just want to cry. God, why was I born into a good materialistic life? That was your doing. Am I blessed? Or am I cursed? 'It is harder for a rich man to enter heaven than for a camel to enter the eye of a needle.' If was this poor and gross and smelly and sick and old, would I be more likely to turn to Jesus? I would be desperate. Is that why you allow it God? God, change my heart about things your life. Prosperous doesn't always equal money, nice things, nice house, friends, popularity, big church or knowing a lot of people. Lord, please redefine my definition of prosperous. Prosper me in the way you define it. Will I be able to go back to USA with these images in my head? Will I be able to go back and not do anything about this? I feel there is nothing for me to do. I want to stay away from those houses. God, change this attitude. You are worthy to be praised and although I don't understand or think it's fair, I will choose to praise you anyway. Praise your name. Bless you Father. I bless your sovereignty and your choices on who you bless with money and who you don't. I love you. "



June 17th and beyond....what God taught me...



"God is showing me scriptures about what prosperity means....Luke 12:13-'a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.' Okay, Lord, what does a man's life consist of? Why poverty, death, rape, destruction, sickness, and no friends? Why does life consist of these things? 'Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes' Luke 12:23 'for everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.' Luke 12:48. 'What is highly valuable among man is detestable in God's sight.' Luke 16:15.

My life is in the hands of a big confusing God. But what I know about Him, I know He is good, powerful and sovereign and He does what is best for me. So I want Him to be in control. Would I give up everything to follow Jesus? Luke 14:33

I need to change my view on money, wealth, possessions, clothes ect. I want to sell my car, get rid of my clothes, ect. They will all pass away quicker than I will. I want my husband to think like this too.

Later on in the day....

"God has been showing me how selfish I am. I am living in a world that is all about me. K-101 Whit...where Whitney plays all day everyday. I feel like the world revolves around me.. I have been short with people on this trip and mean because I wasn't wanting them in my life. But God cherishes all people and so should I. I should cherish what they cherish.



This next journal entry was a turning point for me. The title of the page in my journal reads, THE DAY. I took a picture of the spot where I was sitting to mark the point where Jesus, the freight train, ran me over and ruined me. It was a special day...

Has God ever become so real to you that you cry? I was bawling out apologies for every complaining about my back and all the bitterness I felt. I felt/feel like a lover begging for forgiveness from another lover because I cheated on them. I feel as though God is right here. I understand the song, 'You are the air I breathe'. Lord, you are everything to me, more than a story , more than words on a page of history, the air that I breathe, the water I thirst for, the wind beneath my wings. God, I want you apart of everything I do. I asked you why we as humans were created. You said, 'do you have joy?' I said yes. Then You said, 'well I have joy too.' We were created for your good pleasure. You pleasure in us and we pleasure in you. Why not just immediately put us in heaven though? Because you get more pleasure when we choose you. I get pleasure when I get chosen 1st for things. You do too. We were made in your image. So we are alike in that I guess. I've been waiting for this day for 2 years. Over two years. It's here and its glorious. Look at picture 247 or 248(my pics were numbered and this was to remember the exact spot where I was sitting when I was writing this). That's where I'm sitting. I feel that God has brought me here with all the back problems I've had. I've cried out to you Soooo much. You have heard my cry. I love my back and every pain I ever had. All the lonely nights in the hospital, all the doctors, all the nausea from the pain, headaches, butt pillows, pity parties. EVERYTHING...because of the realization I have right now. You had a plan for me. Look at me now. You knew what you were doing. You are so real and so big. I want you to be my center. Even if I'm in pain and affliction. You know better. You can have me Lord. Take my family, my friends, my comfort, my home, my husband if I even get one...You have me instead. Take me. Call me to missions. I still feel like I'm holding onto my life. Help me God. Take my life. Make me a martyr. Take it all.

These are just a taste of all that I learned. Can you see the transformation? Glory to God! God is still redefining my definition of prosperity. I don't enjoy shopping as I once did. I think anyone who has traveled to a third world country feels the same. To me, it means...prosperity of the heart....not in one's possessions. Can you be joyful with what you have got...whether it is a little or a lot? Inner prosperity is what I have decided is worth fighting for in this life. And inner prosperity is found in knowing your purpose in life. If you are living in the will of God that was created and designed especially for you....then you have this prosperity!! And it won't matter whether you have the latest designer purse, a good car, are in a relationship, or eating awesome expensive food. You will start walking in His grace and understand that we were created for His good pleasure. Everything else fades away into the distant...

Eye Sensing....

The word VISION has many different meanings. The Lord sends these to His people to direct their steps...but He can do so in many different ways. It could be a simple dream placed in a young boys mind when he is 7 and lives that dream for his whole life. It could be a dream that you have that fortels your future metaphorically. It could be an actual vision...the kind that Peter has..detailed in Acts. For me, the way the Lord speaks to me and reveals Himself to me has really evolved. Thus, the word VISION has evolved as well. One meaning, which in my opinion can encompass all says "the act or power of sensing with the eyes." It could be your physical eyes or the eyes of your heart. I just want to share what the Lord has done with me and how I have 'sensed' Him with the eyes of my heart....

-->Definition #1: "an experience in which a personage, thing, or event appears vividly or credibly to the mind, although not actually present, often under the influence of a divine or other agency"
When I was in Africa last summer, there were 3 nights in which I woke up in the middle of the night to a bright orange ball shining in my window. The first time, I thought it was the moon and that it was blazing so bright and was just beautiful. I rolled back over and went back to sleep. The next time was a week later and this time I felt like I should get up and look at it. I was too lazy and went back to sleep. But I had trouble believing that it was real and thought it was just a real vivid dream. I prayed for it to come back. That night I payed attention to where the moon sat in the sky...it was in the OPPOSITE window. So of course I was freaked out because I had been seeing this big orange blazing ball that turned out NOT to be the moon. Well, a week later it came back...I couldn't pull myself out of my sleeping bag though...it disappeared after that and I completely forgot about it....until about 6 months later...

-->Definition #2: "the act or power of anticipating that which will or may come to be"
The second definition came to surface when I had felt a call to missions. I was really struggling with it because I didn't want to give up a future in the states yet. But I felt the Lord say GO. I was praying for confirmation, for something, and I had a desire to talk to my friend Neeley, who had given up her life to missions already. I went to the small group at my church and they were talking about...yep you guessed it, dreams and visions. Specifically dreams that the Lord places in our hearts that He intends to fulfill. I was so on fire and just wanted to talk about missions!! I came home and I had an email from Neeley with her phone number in it....haha...clear enough for me! I called and felt so much better after talking to her! Well, that very night I prayed for a dream, visions, something. This is what I got. I had a dream in which I was arguing with some of my friends. I was being mean, nasty and just plain awful to them. I woke up with a bad taste in my mouth. Well, that wasn't what I wanted! I was disappointed and confused...then, God whispered..."How can you love those I want to send you to serve if you can't even love those around you now?" Needless to say, I was completely humbled and realized that I had a lot of growing to do...so I started loving! You can read my blog below about love to see how I have changed....it was a hard road but that is a whole other subject! So back to this circle of events. I started to change and started to love...this was Christmas break by this point. So again, I prayed. One day, I decided to fast from tv and just read and pray with my day off and God really showed up!! So, the next part of this story is pretty amazing! I was laying in bed praying for my future, for my vision that I so desperately wanted. I felt more ready to receive it now after getting that huge log out of my eye. (Luke 6:42) I had been reading in my Africa journal and was reminded of the big orange ball I had seen. One thing I had put in there was to find out what it was for...why even woke up to see it and if it was even real. As I was praying, I felt like I should get on my knees...feeling kinda silly but I did it anyway. I looked up and there was (no lie) an orange glow shining on my wall. haha I was freaked out. I got up ever so cautiously to see what it was...it was a glow from my ipod player. haha...I got back in bed cursing myself...feeling stupid. I then looked out my window and low and behold, there was an eerie orange glow coming from the next house. I was like ahhhhhhh....fine God! So I got back on my knees...at that moment a verse popped to my head. It didn't really make sense when I read it right away. I then immediately looked over to the next page and guess what I saw...two verses underlined in orange!! I was flabbergasted...mind you, I was still on the floor and was just ecstatic. You can picture....make up your own 'vision' in your head if you will. As soon as I read the verse, the Lord whispered like He always does, "This is to be your VISION." Here is what it said(notice it is in orange)....

Then Jesus declared, " I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty." John 6:35
I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life." 6:47

Pretty cool huh? The Lord said that I am to bring this bread to people...for the rest of my life. That is my mission, my vision, my dream for life. I couldn't be happier...

-->Definition #3: "vivid, imaginative conception or anticipation"
Now, the first two visions have come full circle with the fulfillment of this last definition. I have been sitting on what God has been teaching me since last semester. Earlier this spring, I was running and listening to my ipod. A vivid image entered my head and I just kept expanding on it. I was just daydreaming actually but it turned into this elaborate 'imaginative conception' just like the definition says. It relates to the whole ideal of missions that God is planting into me. Here it is....
I see Jesus on the top of a hill. I just know its Him. He is holding a bouquet of flowers. I just somehow know they are for me(I love flowers BTW). It turns out that we are in the desert and my mission is to reach Him so I can get those flowers. So I start climbing. I keep Him in view. But I fall, crawl and stumble. I get frustrated. I turn around and start walking back down. But I really want those flowers. I start again. I lose sight of Him. Do I still keep going even when I don't see Him? Is this faith? I keep going, sweating, struggling, and completely exhausted. I finally reach the top of the hill, exhausted and fallen down before Him. He takes His hand and lifts me up. I take the flowers but He then turns me around to see the view and man....it is breathtaking. There are acres and acres and miles upon miles of flowers. It is a vision to behold. I am just ecstatic. I am on a 'spiritual high'. I am happy and for the first time I am at peace. I come for the peace, and for the flowers if you will, but I soon start to get to know the man that is holding the flowers and I fall in love. I am so happy! But it doesn't end there in utopia as one might like. Jesus looks at me and says there is more I have planned for you. More? Then this? haha I am overjoyed! I say "okay! Show me!" He ever so gently takes my same hand that He used to lift me up to my feet to spin me around and to look back down the hill where I had just climbed. I see darkness. I see people struggling. The same struggle I had to go through to meet my Jesus. People are blind and can't see their way. People have turned around and are walking back down the hill. People have fallen and are on their knees. People are in pain. People are searching but don't even know what Jesus is offering. I cringe as I look. I don't have that peace anymore. I hear Jesus say "Go." No, Lord. haha, I mean you must be kidding. I am happy here, with my wildflowers. So I struggle. But I know deep down that these flowers up here won't mean near as much if I don't have anyone else around me to enjoy them too. They go on for miles and miles....they are meant for people to enjoy too...not just me. So I go. Maybe you don't understand why...why anyone would leave that utopia. I think CT Studd says it best...
"Some wish to live within the sound of a chapel bell, I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of Hell."
Summary: orange ball points to bread of life...give people the bread of life....bread of life goes to those people who have not received the gift Jesus offers....where are these people at? Where do I deliver this bread? I guess I will wait until the next vision...and look for a new definition...stay tuned. :)

Purpose....

When I got back from Africa last summer, I felt utterly and completely useless here in the States. It was hard for me to justify staying here in my comfortable house with A/C, shower, plenty of food, and surrounded by people who had everything they needed yet still weren't happy. I was extremely unhappy and felt like God couldn't possibly want me to live in this country a second longer! I prayerfully considered dropping out of school and moving away but didn't obviously. God gave me purpose in pharmacy school and showed me that He can use that degree in me in far greater ways than I could ever imagine. So I am here for at least 2 more years. But something he has been showing me lately is that I can have just as much purpose here as I would have in Africa. I have been praying for just that...as school was starting to wrap up for me in May I began to pray for my summer...I wanted God to have complete control. He knows me better than everyone and I only want what He has planned for me as it would be better than anything I could even imagine!! So, I surrendered it to Him...this is what has happened so far....

I'm going to New Zealand!! I got some refund checks from my loans from tuition and it worked out for me to get a plane ticket! It is a gift from God...I have a dear friend whom I get to visit and stay with the entire time and God has really led me to go over there...I have this overwhelming desire at times to go!!

I had a job lined up in Dalton...I knew I was going to be taking a month off to travel to NZ and so I got a job that was willing to take me a couple of weeks before my adventures and for a month afterwards. It worked out great...UNTIL I found out a 8 days before I was supposed to start that I didn't have that job anymore!! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!

I got a job instead at Walgreens..which I thought I would hate. It turns out that I love it! My old job did nothing to challenge me. At Walgreens, I deal with a lot of angry and impatient people and I deal with high stress as we are forever busy! I got so busy on Monday that I forgot to take a lunch break! I know.....me forget a lunch break? That never happens! It has been such a challenge and the Lord has been teaching me how to really submit to others...and treat them better than myself. He is teaching me how much I DON'T do that!! My attitude should be the same as Christ Jesus. (Phillipians 2:5) I never dealt with these kinds of patients at Frank's and this whole experience has been eye-opening in how much more I still need to learn about relationships....

Lastly, what was I was to do with the rest of the 128 hours in a week? I get about 6 hours of sleep every night so that leaves 86 hours for me to do something! I listened to a cd that my friend Jenny gave to me about viewing my singleness as a gift and doing everything possible to be completely devoted to God in this time of my life. I was fired up and wanted to go out and serve! I called a soup kitchen without clear direction from the Lord and didn't get anywhere there. I love love love old people so I prayed about going to a nursing home and picking an old person up and visiting them weekly. That night, I was going through some old journals from 2 years ago as I sometimes do and I found a page that I had written about my grandmother and how I wish I could go by there and minister to her...she is very lonely. Right then and there God said she is your ministry!!! haha! I was pleased and very at peace....

I have been to see my grandmother twice and have had a great time both times! And guess what?!?! God totally confirmed that right here in Dalton is where I am supposed to be! He used to send me butterflies..yes, I know it sounds stupid but everytime I needed a pat on the back or when I was outside praying to Him, I would see a yellow butterfly...it became our "thing". He really proved Himself to me through them as silly as that might sound...so anyways, this week I have seen a lot of red birds flying around. They are beautiful....cardinals. I have seen more than I usually do and was wondering if they were to become mine and God's "new thing." I was laughing about it really. Well tonight, as me and my grandmother were sitting outside watching the sunset and listening to nature, a beautiful red bird flew by. Grandmother looked at it and said that they were her favorite bird. That she absolutely loved them and thought there were beautiful. I know it sounds simple and may sound like coincidence but God spoke to my heart then and there and I almost started crying as I realized that I was walking right smack in the middle of God's will. That is the greatest feeling in the whole wide world. He told me that I was right where I needed to be...amongst beautiful cardinals and my beautiful grandmother who just needs someone to talk to...

I often don't like being in Dalton...I just don't like this town that much...but knowing that God has called me here and has opened doors for me to work, grow, and learn from here quiets all the other voices that wishes I was somewhere else. I know no other peace that will satisfy me like the one that He gives when I find my purpose in Him. Yes, we can try our whole lives for other things to satisfy but it will never do. Why settle for anything less than what He wants to offer? We often think we could pick out for ourselves what would make us happy and ignoring what God may have planned. Of course He knows better! He created us and knows us better than we know ourselves! Faith is waking up and saying "I know what I want to accomplish and do today...but I trust that doing what You want and seeking your will is better than what I could do on my own." I think C.S. Lewis says it best"

"It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

God's Faithfulness...

Below is an email that I sent out to people after the safe return of my purse that was stolen in Walmart over my spring break in March. I shared with with close friends and family because it is a testament of God's faithfulness and how His hand is over every aspect of our lives. Cool story!!

Hello my beautiful friends and family!
I just wanted to share an awesome story! As most of you know, my purse was stolen(or I misplaced it somehow) at Walmart about 3 weeks ago. It happened right before I was to leave for a mission trip to New Orleans. In my purse was about 150 dollars, credit cards, check card, license, ipod nano, cool lip gloss, my AMC movie card with over 150 credits, my medicine, basically my life. I went to New Orleans with none of this...thankfully, my phone happened
to be in my pocket that day so I had that with me. I think that someone may have taken it out of my front seat when I went to put my buggy up. Anyways, @ the moment that I realized it was gone, I was so confident in my God that He would bring it back. I know I sounded bold when I told someone that I wouldn't be surprised if it was turned up because I serve a good God. When it didn't turn up before we were to leave, I got really discouraged...I was upset and
kinda mad. I got just the encouragement I needed when my best friend Tanea sent me a text message that said, "you walk in favor!" I do have favor and I kept my chin up and told God that even if my purse was never returned, I would still follow Him and still trust Him with my life...purse or no purse. His word promises that He will never leave or forsake me. (Deut. 31:6) I rested in that promise!! I had everything I needed. My awesome dad was able to send me
money down to New Orleans and I had gracious friends buy some meals for me(thanks Tanea and Allen/Nancy). So anyways, I had completely submitted my purse to the Lord...afterall, it wasn't mine to begin with. I did however continue to pray for the person who stole it...that he would be convicted and would turn it back in...or that when he was listening to my ipod he would hear an uplifting song and be changed...haha silly I know but I was "praying for my enemies"(Matthew 5:44). Anyways, today as I was driving, I decided to call Walmart on a whim and see if it was turned in. I wish you could have seen my face when the lady on the phone said "yup, it's here!" I was ecstatic!! I whipped my car around so fast. I have been calling Walmart weekly to see if someone has turned it in yet and nobody had until now. Crazy huh!!?!? But it
gets better...everything was untouched!! My money, ipod, everything. It was turned in earlier this week...either someone has had it this whole time and just turned it in or somebody stashed it somewhere and it was just found. I'm not really sure what happened other than I know that God had a plan for it for the beginning...I was simply a lowly vessel...As I was driving to go and get my purse today, I was smiling from ear to ear and wanted to sing as usual. (Psalm 147:1) I wanted to sing the perfect song to praise my God...I decided to see what was on the radio and before I turned it on I had a feeling that the most perfect song would be playing. I pushed the button, and the DJ was introducing a song...it immediately started playing and was Chris Tomlin, "How great is our God". I couldn't help but cry @ the irony and coincidence of the
song with the day's events...and then I remembered that I don't believe in coincidence. God is good!!! Thanks for reading it this far...I appreciate all of you and am so glad to have you in my life! Just remember that He always has our back! Many blessings!!
Much love,
Whitney :)

A poem for my husband...

I love poems...I love writing them and reading them. I can't believe I am going to post them. I think Anna Nalick says it best in her song 2am... " 2AM and I'm still awake, writing a song, If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me, Threatening the life it belongs to; And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd, Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud; And I know that you'll use them, however you want to."

This poem was written after inspiration that came unexpectedly from the book of Joshua...

16And Caleb said, "I will give my daughter Acsah in marriage to the man who attacks and captures Kiriath Sepher." 17 Othniel son of Kenaz, took it; so Caleb gave his daughter Acsah to him in marriage.
18 One day when she came to Othniel, she urged him [e] to ask her father for a field. When she got off her donkey, Caleb asked her, "What can I do for you?"
19 She replied, "Do me a special favor. Since you have given me land in the Negev, give me also springs of water." So Caleb gave her the upper and lower springs.


I am my beloved and my beloved is mine...
But this only is being revealed with time
For right now I belong to a Love bigger than I
I rest on a promise that has called me die.

Die? You might ask with bewilderment rightly so,
Yes, I would respond, with confidence that stretches from high to low
I've died to myself, my wants, and to this world,
Instead, I'm on a journey with eyes closed that requires me to say, Yes Lord

So back to my beloved, my Othniel, whom I will forever wait,
He is there, looking for His Tirzah, awaiting our fate;
But in the meantime, I will look to the horizon...
My eyes on the source which fuels my run

God keeps painting a sunset into my heart;
An adventure, of a role in a story in which I have a part
The truth is that it doesn't start when Romeo meets Juliet
It has already begun, when my heart and Jesus met.

As I rest on the hill full of life, joy and peace,
that I've found in my Savior who loves me without cease
I will still stand and look and wait...
as Ascah waited for a warrior to take as a mate

I too will not settle for only the hope of a distant land
But will wait for my Othniel to win precious Ascah's hand
And together our focus will be directed to our King
We will boldly ask for the upper AND lower springs.

"Ye receive not because ye ask not." John 16:24

Love...

1st John 4:17: In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him.

I have read of God's love and have tasted small doses of it...as much as He thinks I can handle. I have now put my trust in His love...after months...nay years of learning about Him, from Him, and experiencing His love. I want God to live in me and thus live in love. So why is it so hard for me to love? The reason I have to ask that question is an answer to it. I try to love. You may read that sentence and think, 'well how can trying to love be a bad thing?' It's not the act that makes it bad...its the fact that we think we need to try. Let me explain...I don't think it should be an act. I guess it may start out that way as we are earnestly trying to serve Him but it should never be easy or hard to love someone. It should just.......be. Just as the air enters our nostrils with every breath we take....love should emanate from every Christian outwards to the world. We ought to remember that God is love...and as we are becoming more like Him in this journey of life, we should also become....love. It should be part of our essence, our being...our self. I can't help but equate it to the moon. The moon reflects the glory of the sun at night. The moon shines brightly because of its source. We can reflect the glory of The Son. Our source is Jesus Christ and we should reflect His glory, His essence, His being...which is love. Make no mistake that people who aren't Christ followers may be able to dish out love...but they must work at it...they must try. Unfortunately, they have never tasted of God's love personally or truly experienced it and they can't walk in it. But we who are Christians can and MUST walk in it. 1st John 4:17 promises that as we live in God, our love grows more perfect...again it becomes apart of us and we don't' have to try so hard...we become love...as hippieish as that may sound. If you find yourself trying...stop. As you begin to realize His love for you, it becomes natural...it becomes a part of you...it becomes you. Yes, God is love and we can be all about love too!! YES, LORD, LET US BE LOVE!!

His Name for me...

Revelation 2:17-- I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it known only to him who receives it.

The first time the Lord called me His own I was in my jeep driving in Rome, Ga. I don't know where I was going, or what I was doing, but I was constantly searching for a path to go down. A path to start walking down that would define the rest of my life. I was in the 'searching' stage of college that so many people go though...some for their whole lives as they look for fulfillment in thing after thing that may come along. One path that I could take was the steady boyfriend whom I loved dearly. This path offered happiness, popularity, success, contentment, a diamond ring, and what every other America girl seems to dream for. But it lacked.......mystery, realness and adventure. It was all planned out. It lacked what my heart truly desired even though I had no idea what that was. Have you ever thought that you were missing something but you couldn't place your finger on exactly what that is? The second path was a narrow one. One that I didn't see a lot of people traveling. Only one person stands out in my mind and that is my good friend Neeley. It was there in my car on Turner McCall BLVD when I was praying to SOMETHING bigger than myself. Something that I didn't even know existed because I wasn't even convinced that God was real. I was just crying out. My heart was in anguish about SOMETHING. (Romans 8:26-...but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express) I was crying out for answers, for a peace, for something...anything. And like in the blink of an eye a stillness came over my heart and I heard a voice, not audible as that would be too simple. No, it was as if this voice, if you want to call it that, filled my heart, my mind, my sould, my arms, my legs, and gave breath to my lungs and caused the blood to course through my veins. Gently, it said, "my child."

Lord, is that you? Yes. For the first time I was ever confident in walking down that untrodden path. I was confident in having to break up with my boyfriend, in choosing to ready my bible, in not hanging out with certain friends, and in becoming someone who belonged to a Heavenly Father. My identity as "His Child" consumed my life. And that's exactly what I was...a child. I still screwed up(I didn't break up with my bf for months and still partied a lot). But God was in the process of perfecting me and disciplining me (Deuteronomy 8:6). Slowly but surely He was making me more like Him. All this time, he has desired to give me "real food" instead of the milk I had been given. (1st Corinthians 3:2). Yes Lord, I am finally ready for more!! he has looked at me again and given me a new name. He's layed His new identity over me. As I was praying for God to tell me what it was, I was overcome with emotion and almost started crying in the middle of the airport when I was writing this in my journal. At the time I had received a white stone but no name. So I waited in anticipation. What I got 4 minutes later seemed unfair. Not unfair for me but for Him. I went from being His child to becoming "His Joy". I was flabbergasted. I bring you joy? I fought with Him for awhile and then finally gave in and let His grace and unmerited favor surround me. I had received my stone and written on it was "My Joy." That is what He desires to give all of us. I, by just being myself, nothing more, nothing less, bring Him joy. I don't have to try and please Him, I don't even have to feel guilty when I screw up(even though I do) because I bring Him joy just because. Just like the air we breathe and the sun in the sky, we exist to bring Him joy...

A week full of Saturdays...

Almost two weeks ago, I started my tour of the nation...well of 3 main states. I started out in Nashville and hung out with 3 awesome girl friends of mine. 3 girls with whom I shared a hut, my food, my clothes, my tears, and the beautiful mountains of Swaziland with all last summer. I won't bore you with the details of what we did but I was just so refreshed and refined after hanging out with them...it was awesome. And then......I hung out with the boys...
I flew to Oklahoma where Colegrin picked me up. I got to meet his whole family and we roadtriped down to San Antonio and stayed with our friend, Robert, otherwise known as Bob, Bobert, or Garsha. What an amazing week I had!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not only hanging out, being completely myself, watching hours and hours of The Office, but more importantly being loved and cared for by two awesome men of God. I got to see them interact with their girlfriends and realized that I was right all along in being their friend. (haha jk) They love the Lord and try to serve Him in all they do...including their relationships with their girlfriends. They are awesome guys and I can only hope that I get to develop more relationships like the ones I have with these guys with more of my guy friends. And BTW, they are hilarious!!!! All I did was laugh the whole week...it is really quite pathetic because we three have been texting, and calling each other since we left...haha

I know I started out saying that I was on a tour of the nation. But to be honest, seeing more of the US was more of an added benefit. The friends that I got to catch up with and hang out with was my main reason for going. God just loves blessing me and so I got to fulfill both passions of mine...investing into my friends and traveling! What more could I ask for in a vacation? It was indeed a week full of wonderful, relaxing Saturdays....

My first entry!!

Hey beautiful people! So...I decided to start a blog a long long time ago. I felt like I needed to share the things going on in my world but was very hesitant to do so. I hate the thought of everyone knowing my business and my most intimate thoughts. The Lord has been working in me and through me and at first I felt the Lord pulling on my heart to share it with everyone in hopes of encouraging others and relating to other peoples walks'. It's to the point now where I will feel disobedient if I don't do it. I just don't want people knowing this stuff...that stuff the drives me, that makes me go from day to day, and the stuff that makes me who I am. Because to be honest, I don't lead the most clean, honorable, and glamorous life. I struggle...a lot. I struggle with trusting God every day, with keeping my promises and in believing the promises that God has for me. I struggle with loving my friends, my mom, my dad, my roommates. I struggle with giving the Lord ALL of my time, my money, my thoughts, my everything. I struggle. So what you are seeing in the many blogs that will be posted are my struggles. But it won't stop there. I serve a faithful God and so you will see resolutions to those struggles. You will see His hand in me and see changes, transformations, and periods where there were question marks. And trust me, I ask a LOT of questions. We have an intelligent, all-knowing God who longs for us to seek after Him, lavish us with His love, and for us to delight in Him. So of course He will give us the answers we are looking for. Just maybe not in the way we expect. I have this strange desire brewing in me to get a degree in journalism. Haha...as I explore this avenue of writing out my life in a blog, I'm sure He will reveal His higher purpose. So I choose to be obedient. Here is my life exposed for the world to see....there WILL be more to come...

In Christ, WKD