The first time the Lord called me His own I was in my jeep driving in Rome, Ga. I don't know where I was going, or what I was doing, but I was constantly searching for a path to go down. A path to start walking down that would define the rest of my life. I was in the 'searching' stage of college that so many people go though...some for their whole lives as they look for fulfillment in thing after thing that may come along. One path that I could take was the steady boyfriend whom I loved dearly. This path offered happiness, popularity, success, contentment, a diamond ring, and what every other America girl seems to dream for. But it lacked.......mystery, realness and adventure. It was all planned out. It lacked what my heart truly desired even though I had no idea what that was. Have you ever thought that you were missing something but you couldn't place your finger on exactly what that is? The second path was a narrow one. One that I didn't see a lot of people traveling. Only one person stands out in my mind and that is my good friend Neeley. It was there in my car on Turner McCall BLVD when I was praying to SOMETHING bigger than myself. Something that I didn't even know existed because I wasn't even convinced that God was real. I was just crying out. My heart was in anguish about SOMETHING. (Romans 8:26-...but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express) I was crying out for answers, for a peace, for something...anything. And like in the blink of an eye a stillness came over my heart and I heard a voice, not audible as that would be too simple. No, it was as if this voice, if you want to call it that, filled my heart, my mind, my sould, my arms, my legs, and gave breath to my lungs and caused the blood to course through my veins. Gently, it said, "my child."
Lord, is that you? Yes. For the first time I was ever confident in walking down that untrodden path. I was confident in having to break up with my boyfriend, in choosing to ready my bible, in not hanging out with certain friends, and in becoming someone who belonged to a Heavenly Father. My identity as "His Child" consumed my life. And that's exactly what I was...a child. I still screwed up(I didn't break up with my bf for months and still partied a lot). But God was in the process of perfecting me and disciplining me (Deuteronomy 8:6). Slowly but surely He was making me more like Him. All this time, he has desired to give me "real food" instead of the milk I had been given. (1st Corinthians 3:2). Yes Lord, I am finally ready for more!! he has looked at me again and given me a new name. He's layed His new identity over me. As I was praying for God to tell me what it was, I was overcome with emotion and almost started crying in the middle of the airport when I was writing this in my journal. At the time I had received a white stone but no name. So I waited in anticipation. What I got 4 minutes later seemed unfair. Not unfair for me but for Him. I went from being His child to becoming "His Joy". I was flabbergasted. I bring you joy? I fought with Him for awhile and then finally gave in and let His grace and unmerited favor surround me. I had received my stone and written on it was "My Joy." That is what He desires to give all of us. I, by just being myself, nothing more, nothing less, bring Him joy. I don't have to try and please Him, I don't even have to feel guilty when I screw up(even though I do) because I bring Him joy just because. Just like the air we breathe and the sun in the sky, we exist to bring Him joy...
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