I see Johnny Depp everywhere out here!!

I thought Atlanta ran at a fast pace. Which it does. But it is something all together different here. I can't put my finger on it. It reminds me of my time in Dalton. I lived there for 18 years but I am now just learning the colors that the trees turn. Or how beautiful a sunset it as you drive down Waugh Street. I spent most of my time there wishing that I could just get out of that town. Hoping for something more. I neglected to see what was right in front of me. I am not just talking about landscapes I missed out on. But also people!! I missed out on so many potential relationships because I had my head in the clouds. With my classmates, teammates, and family members. I feel that people here are missing out on so much. The same 'busy'ness exists here but in a different form. It may be a lot worse. People aren't taking the time to notice anything. Honestly, people really get on my nerves. It is kinda wearing on me. People are so quick to blow their horns. That exists in Atlanta sure but there are some grounded people who let you out in front of you. Not me....I am sure that I am the only person in this city who let a person out. I mean, why else would the lady look so shocked and surprised when I motioned for her to go ahead of me. Dealing with people who are such in a rush, made me think of the note card I keep on my dashboard. It says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Jesus Commands us to Love one another. This has no exceptions. Not because those people deserve our love and have given us love first, but just because....in view of the Cross. So yesterday, when I was driving, this women was cussing me out. I could read her lips in the rear view mirror. She had been laying on the horn because I refused to run the red light. Sitting in her designer shades behind her fancy Mercedes Benz, she is NOT acting like a lady should and is instead putting curses on me. So this is my thought process. "Lord, I really want to flick her off right now. I want to follow in my daddy's footsteps and get out of my car and go and give her a piece of my mind." "Whitney, your attitude should be the same as Christ Jesus." Crap. I think how can I treat others, especially those who are so mean, ugly, rude and nasty, better than myself? Isn't that what Christ did? I heard in a sermon recently by Andy Stanely, a way to start out doing this. He said to picture your favorite celebrity. What would you do if they were to walk in the room right now? Well naturally I thought of Johnny Depp. Not only is he absolutely gorgeous but he is also....well what does it matter? He is breathtaking to look at. So what would I do if he were to walk into my room? I would be falling over myself. Making sure he had everything he needed. If he was blowing his horn at me then I would think he probably had some perfect explanation as to why he was in a hurry, I would run the redlight for him, I would let him drive around me, I would get out of my car and stop the other lanes of traffic so he could get to where he was going. Now, here is the punchline. We are to treat everyone as if they are movie stars! Wasn't I treating Mr. Depp as better than myself? Of course....and that is what Christ commands. Not because that women in the Benz deserves it...because she doesn't. But I should treat her like royalty because I don't deserve it and that is the treatment I get from Christ. It makes things a lot easier. So needless to say...out in the sunny state of California, I am seeing Johnny Depp EVERYWHERE!!! Love you guys...

Lessons learned on the African Terrain...

So most of you know that I spent the summer in Africa in '06. I grew so much....or I should say that I died so much. My life as I knew it was completely and utterly ruined. I will never be the same. Ya know, we were over there to serve the Swazi people, to love on them, and to meet their needs, but honestly, I took away so much more from them...more then I ever gave to them. I think that is a big point of missions. We, here in America, sitting in our comfortable chairs, with good houses, access to clean water, food ect ect, think we can do so much for those......over there. Yes, we may can supply their physical needs. But the truth is, they are living the dream. You see, the majority of them have found contentment in the little that they do have. They have to skip dinner because they have no money. And they praise the Lord. They have to walk 5 miles to work and back. And they praise God. They work ALL DAY LONG just to put food on the table every night...neglecting other things that life can offer like education...or FUN...because they don't have any other choice. Yet they praise God. They are truly happy. That was a big lesson I learned. And a hard one to learn. It's hard realizing that everything you have ever had your whole life means nothing. I mean a lot of us make up our identities based on the car we drive, the place we work, the house we live in, or the friends we surround ourselves with. Without some of these things, we would fall apart. And that is exactly what happened to me. I was completely broken....I had to depend on God....like most of the Swazis have been doing their whole life. Below is a journal entry from June 16th 2006. Ahhhhh, I can't believe that I am posting it. It is so personal and intimate but yet I will be walking in disobedience if I don't share it. I hope you can see the change in me. If Jesus has come into your life and not WRECKED it completely then you don't know Jesus. Not like He was meant to be known. And I honestly think that the relationship with Him begins when you realize that you have nothing apart from Him. When you are broken and asking to be poured out like a drink. Missions is a great way to gain perspective and for God to show up and meet YOUR needs...all along you think you are meeting their needs....HA! Can you hear God laugh? I think God has laughed quite a bit at my poor expense....but that is for another day....:)



June 16th, 2006....this was right when I got home from home visits where we actually went out into the community and visited the locals...saw them exactly how they live...I was devastated at first...



"I don't know what to do or think or say. I went on home visits today and saw some pretty sad things. I'm overwhelmed. I don't know what to change. What does it mean to be prosperous? The Lord says He wants to prosper us and to give us hope and a future. How is an old gogo who sits on a mat all day long, who doesn't get to eat for days straight, and has no children...how is that prosperous? It's not fair God!! Why do I equate prosperous with money and things? I feel that everyone deserves to live like Americans. God, why are people so poor? Why is it so ingrained in my brain? I just want to go home and be with my family. I never want to go back and see what I saw. I don't want to be a missionary overseas. God, what do you want me to learn from this? I prayed for brokenness but I didn't expect this. My heart is broken and I'm aching. I just want to cry. God, why was I born into a good materialistic life? That was your doing. Am I blessed? Or am I cursed? 'It is harder for a rich man to enter heaven than for a camel to enter the eye of a needle.' If was this poor and gross and smelly and sick and old, would I be more likely to turn to Jesus? I would be desperate. Is that why you allow it God? God, change my heart about things your life. Prosperous doesn't always equal money, nice things, nice house, friends, popularity, big church or knowing a lot of people. Lord, please redefine my definition of prosperous. Prosper me in the way you define it. Will I be able to go back to USA with these images in my head? Will I be able to go back and not do anything about this? I feel there is nothing for me to do. I want to stay away from those houses. God, change this attitude. You are worthy to be praised and although I don't understand or think it's fair, I will choose to praise you anyway. Praise your name. Bless you Father. I bless your sovereignty and your choices on who you bless with money and who you don't. I love you. "



June 17th and beyond....what God taught me...



"God is showing me scriptures about what prosperity means....Luke 12:13-'a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.' Okay, Lord, what does a man's life consist of? Why poverty, death, rape, destruction, sickness, and no friends? Why does life consist of these things? 'Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes' Luke 12:23 'for everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.' Luke 12:48. 'What is highly valuable among man is detestable in God's sight.' Luke 16:15.

My life is in the hands of a big confusing God. But what I know about Him, I know He is good, powerful and sovereign and He does what is best for me. So I want Him to be in control. Would I give up everything to follow Jesus? Luke 14:33

I need to change my view on money, wealth, possessions, clothes ect. I want to sell my car, get rid of my clothes, ect. They will all pass away quicker than I will. I want my husband to think like this too.

Later on in the day....

"God has been showing me how selfish I am. I am living in a world that is all about me. K-101 Whit...where Whitney plays all day everyday. I feel like the world revolves around me.. I have been short with people on this trip and mean because I wasn't wanting them in my life. But God cherishes all people and so should I. I should cherish what they cherish.



This next journal entry was a turning point for me. The title of the page in my journal reads, THE DAY. I took a picture of the spot where I was sitting to mark the point where Jesus, the freight train, ran me over and ruined me. It was a special day...

Has God ever become so real to you that you cry? I was bawling out apologies for every complaining about my back and all the bitterness I felt. I felt/feel like a lover begging for forgiveness from another lover because I cheated on them. I feel as though God is right here. I understand the song, 'You are the air I breathe'. Lord, you are everything to me, more than a story , more than words on a page of history, the air that I breathe, the water I thirst for, the wind beneath my wings. God, I want you apart of everything I do. I asked you why we as humans were created. You said, 'do you have joy?' I said yes. Then You said, 'well I have joy too.' We were created for your good pleasure. You pleasure in us and we pleasure in you. Why not just immediately put us in heaven though? Because you get more pleasure when we choose you. I get pleasure when I get chosen 1st for things. You do too. We were made in your image. So we are alike in that I guess. I've been waiting for this day for 2 years. Over two years. It's here and its glorious. Look at picture 247 or 248(my pics were numbered and this was to remember the exact spot where I was sitting when I was writing this). That's where I'm sitting. I feel that God has brought me here with all the back problems I've had. I've cried out to you Soooo much. You have heard my cry. I love my back and every pain I ever had. All the lonely nights in the hospital, all the doctors, all the nausea from the pain, headaches, butt pillows, pity parties. EVERYTHING...because of the realization I have right now. You had a plan for me. Look at me now. You knew what you were doing. You are so real and so big. I want you to be my center. Even if I'm in pain and affliction. You know better. You can have me Lord. Take my family, my friends, my comfort, my home, my husband if I even get one...You have me instead. Take me. Call me to missions. I still feel like I'm holding onto my life. Help me God. Take my life. Make me a martyr. Take it all.

These are just a taste of all that I learned. Can you see the transformation? Glory to God! God is still redefining my definition of prosperity. I don't enjoy shopping as I once did. I think anyone who has traveled to a third world country feels the same. To me, it means...prosperity of the heart....not in one's possessions. Can you be joyful with what you have got...whether it is a little or a lot? Inner prosperity is what I have decided is worth fighting for in this life. And inner prosperity is found in knowing your purpose in life. If you are living in the will of God that was created and designed especially for you....then you have this prosperity!! And it won't matter whether you have the latest designer purse, a good car, are in a relationship, or eating awesome expensive food. You will start walking in His grace and understand that we were created for His good pleasure. Everything else fades away into the distant...

Eye Sensing....

The word VISION has many different meanings. The Lord sends these to His people to direct their steps...but He can do so in many different ways. It could be a simple dream placed in a young boys mind when he is 7 and lives that dream for his whole life. It could be a dream that you have that fortels your future metaphorically. It could be an actual vision...the kind that Peter has..detailed in Acts. For me, the way the Lord speaks to me and reveals Himself to me has really evolved. Thus, the word VISION has evolved as well. One meaning, which in my opinion can encompass all says "the act or power of sensing with the eyes." It could be your physical eyes or the eyes of your heart. I just want to share what the Lord has done with me and how I have 'sensed' Him with the eyes of my heart....

-->Definition #1: "an experience in which a personage, thing, or event appears vividly or credibly to the mind, although not actually present, often under the influence of a divine or other agency"
When I was in Africa last summer, there were 3 nights in which I woke up in the middle of the night to a bright orange ball shining in my window. The first time, I thought it was the moon and that it was blazing so bright and was just beautiful. I rolled back over and went back to sleep. The next time was a week later and this time I felt like I should get up and look at it. I was too lazy and went back to sleep. But I had trouble believing that it was real and thought it was just a real vivid dream. I prayed for it to come back. That night I payed attention to where the moon sat in the sky...it was in the OPPOSITE window. So of course I was freaked out because I had been seeing this big orange blazing ball that turned out NOT to be the moon. Well, a week later it came back...I couldn't pull myself out of my sleeping bag though...it disappeared after that and I completely forgot about it....until about 6 months later...

-->Definition #2: "the act or power of anticipating that which will or may come to be"
The second definition came to surface when I had felt a call to missions. I was really struggling with it because I didn't want to give up a future in the states yet. But I felt the Lord say GO. I was praying for confirmation, for something, and I had a desire to talk to my friend Neeley, who had given up her life to missions already. I went to the small group at my church and they were talking about...yep you guessed it, dreams and visions. Specifically dreams that the Lord places in our hearts that He intends to fulfill. I was so on fire and just wanted to talk about missions!! I came home and I had an email from Neeley with her phone number in it....haha...clear enough for me! I called and felt so much better after talking to her! Well, that very night I prayed for a dream, visions, something. This is what I got. I had a dream in which I was arguing with some of my friends. I was being mean, nasty and just plain awful to them. I woke up with a bad taste in my mouth. Well, that wasn't what I wanted! I was disappointed and confused...then, God whispered..."How can you love those I want to send you to serve if you can't even love those around you now?" Needless to say, I was completely humbled and realized that I had a lot of growing to do...so I started loving! You can read my blog below about love to see how I have changed....it was a hard road but that is a whole other subject! So back to this circle of events. I started to change and started to love...this was Christmas break by this point. So again, I prayed. One day, I decided to fast from tv and just read and pray with my day off and God really showed up!! So, the next part of this story is pretty amazing! I was laying in bed praying for my future, for my vision that I so desperately wanted. I felt more ready to receive it now after getting that huge log out of my eye. (Luke 6:42) I had been reading in my Africa journal and was reminded of the big orange ball I had seen. One thing I had put in there was to find out what it was for...why even woke up to see it and if it was even real. As I was praying, I felt like I should get on my knees...feeling kinda silly but I did it anyway. I looked up and there was (no lie) an orange glow shining on my wall. haha I was freaked out. I got up ever so cautiously to see what it was...it was a glow from my ipod player. haha...I got back in bed cursing myself...feeling stupid. I then looked out my window and low and behold, there was an eerie orange glow coming from the next house. I was like ahhhhhhh....fine God! So I got back on my knees...at that moment a verse popped to my head. It didn't really make sense when I read it right away. I then immediately looked over to the next page and guess what I saw...two verses underlined in orange!! I was flabbergasted...mind you, I was still on the floor and was just ecstatic. You can picture....make up your own 'vision' in your head if you will. As soon as I read the verse, the Lord whispered like He always does, "This is to be your VISION." Here is what it said(notice it is in orange)....

Then Jesus declared, " I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty." John 6:35
I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life." 6:47

Pretty cool huh? The Lord said that I am to bring this bread to people...for the rest of my life. That is my mission, my vision, my dream for life. I couldn't be happier...

-->Definition #3: "vivid, imaginative conception or anticipation"
Now, the first two visions have come full circle with the fulfillment of this last definition. I have been sitting on what God has been teaching me since last semester. Earlier this spring, I was running and listening to my ipod. A vivid image entered my head and I just kept expanding on it. I was just daydreaming actually but it turned into this elaborate 'imaginative conception' just like the definition says. It relates to the whole ideal of missions that God is planting into me. Here it is....
I see Jesus on the top of a hill. I just know its Him. He is holding a bouquet of flowers. I just somehow know they are for me(I love flowers BTW). It turns out that we are in the desert and my mission is to reach Him so I can get those flowers. So I start climbing. I keep Him in view. But I fall, crawl and stumble. I get frustrated. I turn around and start walking back down. But I really want those flowers. I start again. I lose sight of Him. Do I still keep going even when I don't see Him? Is this faith? I keep going, sweating, struggling, and completely exhausted. I finally reach the top of the hill, exhausted and fallen down before Him. He takes His hand and lifts me up. I take the flowers but He then turns me around to see the view and man....it is breathtaking. There are acres and acres and miles upon miles of flowers. It is a vision to behold. I am just ecstatic. I am on a 'spiritual high'. I am happy and for the first time I am at peace. I come for the peace, and for the flowers if you will, but I soon start to get to know the man that is holding the flowers and I fall in love. I am so happy! But it doesn't end there in utopia as one might like. Jesus looks at me and says there is more I have planned for you. More? Then this? haha I am overjoyed! I say "okay! Show me!" He ever so gently takes my same hand that He used to lift me up to my feet to spin me around and to look back down the hill where I had just climbed. I see darkness. I see people struggling. The same struggle I had to go through to meet my Jesus. People are blind and can't see their way. People have turned around and are walking back down the hill. People have fallen and are on their knees. People are in pain. People are searching but don't even know what Jesus is offering. I cringe as I look. I don't have that peace anymore. I hear Jesus say "Go." No, Lord. haha, I mean you must be kidding. I am happy here, with my wildflowers. So I struggle. But I know deep down that these flowers up here won't mean near as much if I don't have anyone else around me to enjoy them too. They go on for miles and miles....they are meant for people to enjoy too...not just me. So I go. Maybe you don't understand why...why anyone would leave that utopia. I think CT Studd says it best...
"Some wish to live within the sound of a chapel bell, I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of Hell."
Summary: orange ball points to bread of life...give people the bread of life....bread of life goes to those people who have not received the gift Jesus offers....where are these people at? Where do I deliver this bread? I guess I will wait until the next vision...and look for a new definition...stay tuned. :)

Purpose....

When I got back from Africa last summer, I felt utterly and completely useless here in the States. It was hard for me to justify staying here in my comfortable house with A/C, shower, plenty of food, and surrounded by people who had everything they needed yet still weren't happy. I was extremely unhappy and felt like God couldn't possibly want me to live in this country a second longer! I prayerfully considered dropping out of school and moving away but didn't obviously. God gave me purpose in pharmacy school and showed me that He can use that degree in me in far greater ways than I could ever imagine. So I am here for at least 2 more years. But something he has been showing me lately is that I can have just as much purpose here as I would have in Africa. I have been praying for just that...as school was starting to wrap up for me in May I began to pray for my summer...I wanted God to have complete control. He knows me better than everyone and I only want what He has planned for me as it would be better than anything I could even imagine!! So, I surrendered it to Him...this is what has happened so far....

I'm going to New Zealand!! I got some refund checks from my loans from tuition and it worked out for me to get a plane ticket! It is a gift from God...I have a dear friend whom I get to visit and stay with the entire time and God has really led me to go over there...I have this overwhelming desire at times to go!!

I had a job lined up in Dalton...I knew I was going to be taking a month off to travel to NZ and so I got a job that was willing to take me a couple of weeks before my adventures and for a month afterwards. It worked out great...UNTIL I found out a 8 days before I was supposed to start that I didn't have that job anymore!! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!

I got a job instead at Walgreens..which I thought I would hate. It turns out that I love it! My old job did nothing to challenge me. At Walgreens, I deal with a lot of angry and impatient people and I deal with high stress as we are forever busy! I got so busy on Monday that I forgot to take a lunch break! I know.....me forget a lunch break? That never happens! It has been such a challenge and the Lord has been teaching me how to really submit to others...and treat them better than myself. He is teaching me how much I DON'T do that!! My attitude should be the same as Christ Jesus. (Phillipians 2:5) I never dealt with these kinds of patients at Frank's and this whole experience has been eye-opening in how much more I still need to learn about relationships....

Lastly, what was I was to do with the rest of the 128 hours in a week? I get about 6 hours of sleep every night so that leaves 86 hours for me to do something! I listened to a cd that my friend Jenny gave to me about viewing my singleness as a gift and doing everything possible to be completely devoted to God in this time of my life. I was fired up and wanted to go out and serve! I called a soup kitchen without clear direction from the Lord and didn't get anywhere there. I love love love old people so I prayed about going to a nursing home and picking an old person up and visiting them weekly. That night, I was going through some old journals from 2 years ago as I sometimes do and I found a page that I had written about my grandmother and how I wish I could go by there and minister to her...she is very lonely. Right then and there God said she is your ministry!!! haha! I was pleased and very at peace....

I have been to see my grandmother twice and have had a great time both times! And guess what?!?! God totally confirmed that right here in Dalton is where I am supposed to be! He used to send me butterflies..yes, I know it sounds stupid but everytime I needed a pat on the back or when I was outside praying to Him, I would see a yellow butterfly...it became our "thing". He really proved Himself to me through them as silly as that might sound...so anyways, this week I have seen a lot of red birds flying around. They are beautiful....cardinals. I have seen more than I usually do and was wondering if they were to become mine and God's "new thing." I was laughing about it really. Well tonight, as me and my grandmother were sitting outside watching the sunset and listening to nature, a beautiful red bird flew by. Grandmother looked at it and said that they were her favorite bird. That she absolutely loved them and thought there were beautiful. I know it sounds simple and may sound like coincidence but God spoke to my heart then and there and I almost started crying as I realized that I was walking right smack in the middle of God's will. That is the greatest feeling in the whole wide world. He told me that I was right where I needed to be...amongst beautiful cardinals and my beautiful grandmother who just needs someone to talk to...

I often don't like being in Dalton...I just don't like this town that much...but knowing that God has called me here and has opened doors for me to work, grow, and learn from here quiets all the other voices that wishes I was somewhere else. I know no other peace that will satisfy me like the one that He gives when I find my purpose in Him. Yes, we can try our whole lives for other things to satisfy but it will never do. Why settle for anything less than what He wants to offer? We often think we could pick out for ourselves what would make us happy and ignoring what God may have planned. Of course He knows better! He created us and knows us better than we know ourselves! Faith is waking up and saying "I know what I want to accomplish and do today...but I trust that doing what You want and seeking your will is better than what I could do on my own." I think C.S. Lewis says it best"

"It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

God's Faithfulness...

Below is an email that I sent out to people after the safe return of my purse that was stolen in Walmart over my spring break in March. I shared with with close friends and family because it is a testament of God's faithfulness and how His hand is over every aspect of our lives. Cool story!!

Hello my beautiful friends and family!
I just wanted to share an awesome story! As most of you know, my purse was stolen(or I misplaced it somehow) at Walmart about 3 weeks ago. It happened right before I was to leave for a mission trip to New Orleans. In my purse was about 150 dollars, credit cards, check card, license, ipod nano, cool lip gloss, my AMC movie card with over 150 credits, my medicine, basically my life. I went to New Orleans with none of this...thankfully, my phone happened
to be in my pocket that day so I had that with me. I think that someone may have taken it out of my front seat when I went to put my buggy up. Anyways, @ the moment that I realized it was gone, I was so confident in my God that He would bring it back. I know I sounded bold when I told someone that I wouldn't be surprised if it was turned up because I serve a good God. When it didn't turn up before we were to leave, I got really discouraged...I was upset and
kinda mad. I got just the encouragement I needed when my best friend Tanea sent me a text message that said, "you walk in favor!" I do have favor and I kept my chin up and told God that even if my purse was never returned, I would still follow Him and still trust Him with my life...purse or no purse. His word promises that He will never leave or forsake me. (Deut. 31:6) I rested in that promise!! I had everything I needed. My awesome dad was able to send me
money down to New Orleans and I had gracious friends buy some meals for me(thanks Tanea and Allen/Nancy). So anyways, I had completely submitted my purse to the Lord...afterall, it wasn't mine to begin with. I did however continue to pray for the person who stole it...that he would be convicted and would turn it back in...or that when he was listening to my ipod he would hear an uplifting song and be changed...haha silly I know but I was "praying for my enemies"(Matthew 5:44). Anyways, today as I was driving, I decided to call Walmart on a whim and see if it was turned in. I wish you could have seen my face when the lady on the phone said "yup, it's here!" I was ecstatic!! I whipped my car around so fast. I have been calling Walmart weekly to see if someone has turned it in yet and nobody had until now. Crazy huh!!?!? But it
gets better...everything was untouched!! My money, ipod, everything. It was turned in earlier this week...either someone has had it this whole time and just turned it in or somebody stashed it somewhere and it was just found. I'm not really sure what happened other than I know that God had a plan for it for the beginning...I was simply a lowly vessel...As I was driving to go and get my purse today, I was smiling from ear to ear and wanted to sing as usual. (Psalm 147:1) I wanted to sing the perfect song to praise my God...I decided to see what was on the radio and before I turned it on I had a feeling that the most perfect song would be playing. I pushed the button, and the DJ was introducing a song...it immediately started playing and was Chris Tomlin, "How great is our God". I couldn't help but cry @ the irony and coincidence of the
song with the day's events...and then I remembered that I don't believe in coincidence. God is good!!! Thanks for reading it this far...I appreciate all of you and am so glad to have you in my life! Just remember that He always has our back! Many blessings!!
Much love,
Whitney :)