Silence from Above

John 11:6

From Oswald Chambers, "My upmost for His Highest"

Has God trusted you with His silence—a silence that has great meaning? God's silences are actually His answers. Just think of those days of absolute silence in the home at Bethany! Is there anything comparable to those days in your life? Can God trust you like that, or are you still asking Him for a visible answer? God will give you the very blessings you ask if you refuse to go any further without them, but His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into an even more wonderful understanding of Himself. Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response? When you cannot hear God, you will find that He has trusted you in the most intimate way possible—with absolute silence, not a silence of despair, but one of pleasure; because He saw that you could withstand an even bigger revelation. If God has given you a silence, then praise Him—He is bringing you into the mainstream of His purposes. The actual evidence of the answer in time is simply matter of God's sovereignty. Time is nothing to God. For a while you may have said, "I asked God to give me bread, but He gave me a stone instead" (see Matthew 7:9). He did not give you a stone, and today you find that He gave you the "bread of life" (John 6:35).

A wonderful thing about God's silence is that His stillness is contagious—it gets into you, causing you to become perfectly confident so that you can honestly say, "I know that God has heard me." His silence is the very proof that He has. As long as you have the idea that God will always bless you in answer to prayer, he will do it but He will never give you the grace of His silence. If Jesus Christ is bringing you into the understanding that prayer is for the glorifying of His Father, that He will give you the first sign of His intimacy—silence.







And I will sit in His silence...

Our days are but fleeting...

If you could love me as a wife...
And for my wedding get your life...
Should that be all I'll ever need
or is there more I'm looking for

And I should I read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich and wise
Is that really what you want?

I am a whore I do confess...
I put you on just like a wedding dress
run down the isle, run down the isle...

Well, I am a prodigal with no way home
Put you on just like a ring of gold
and run down the isle, run down the isle...
to You....

Could you love this bastard child
No, I don't trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and the other in Your side...

Because I am so easily satisfied
by the call of a lover so less wild
that I would take a little cash
Over Your very flesh and blood

Cause I am a whore I do confess
I put you on just like a wedding dress
and run down the isle, run down the isle...

I'm a prodigal with no way home
Put you on just like a ring of gold
and run down the isle, run down the isle
to You...

because money can not buy
a husbands jealous eye
when you have knowingly deceived his wife.

-DEREK WEBB "WEDDING DRESS"

This is a song by Derek Webb...describing what I think is the plight of humanity. It's about dealing with sin...but worse than that is how we return to sin again and again even after coming into the presence of our Savior, the man who saved us from our sin. And the worse thing is that we have to face Him over and over again after sinning, repenting, sinning, repenting. How awful is our human condition. But more awful than that is the fact that Our Lord has to put up with it. I find myself relating to the adultress that is Gomer found in Hosea. Gomer was a whore. Takes money in return for sexual favors. Hosea, under the direction of God married her anyway. The Lord wanted to prove a single point in this story...that He will return to the fornicating land of Israel time and time again. Hosea 3:1 says "Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes."

As I walk down the journey of life, I have come face to face with my faults, my shortcoming, my weaknesses, my sin. I see my adulteress spirit and see it wandering far from God and back to Him again. I can't do it on my own I find. So what do I do? I ask for forgivienss and immediately slip back on the wedding band, and the dress that God clothed me in as He called me His own. When it pleases me, I just slip off the band and dress, and the risk involved with following an unseen God. I revert to my old ways. I get unhappy and then decide to put back on the cloak of hope that is Jesus Christ. Just like song says, I act as a whore, a modern-day Gomer to my Lord, my bridgegroom, my Savior.

Oh, but He is there to recieve me at the end of the isle time and time again. I feel sorry for the Spirit that has to grieve everytime I depart from Him. I am the prodigal son who goes and squanders his money on wild living only to be received with open arms by His good, loving, faithful Father. I don't like being in the position of the prodigal son. Although, it is nice to know that I do have a Savior it sucks to realize that this is how it will be until we get to Heaven. Our only hope is in heaven and we must wait for the Ultimate wedding between Jesus and His Church. How I long to be reconciled to Him now. To drink of the living water...to not be satisfied by eathly things...I can be so easily tempted by things of the World but have found only true satisfaction, fulfillment and joy in putting to death the misdeeds of the Flesh, of the World, and living by the Spirit who testifies to God's will in my life. If I find fulfillment in living a life Holy and pleasing to God, then why do I still choose to daily live a life that may not be Holy, but full of colors like scarlet, crimson and anything that is white and pure? Like Derek says, I am easily satisfied by a lover far less wild...I would rather take a little cash for His very flesh and blood. It doesn't have to be cash; it could be some superficial comfort, clothes, food, alcohol, holding onto bitterness, ect in return for getting what you think you want. Derek leaves the song only talking about how things are left here on earth...with us whoring around. But what if we could finish it? It may sound like this...

So much to do, so much to prepare
to walk back down the isle, if I dare
I must find my way back to You
Whatever it takes, my works will do

What happened My Lord, my groom? My works won't do!
I still find myself using You,
I am broken to pieces, realizing that I am nothing
I can do absolutely nothing for my King.

However, there is a Hope that outlasts me
It shines past my sin and lets me be
I can carry on with this Hope from day to day
no matter what I ever do, think, or say.

Where can you find this Hope after the fall?
It is not seen because Hope seen is no Hope at all
Instead it lies in our patience and faith
being built upon by the Keeper of the Gates

"Don't grow weary! For at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we don't give up! "
-Galations 6:9

Don't give up on yourself.....God will gladly marry us 77 times 7 times and I assure you He will make a brand new beautiful wedding dress each and every time with a new beautiful sparkling wedding band. It's not about how much we decide to come back to Him and how good we are for repenting and seeking to live a better life for God. No, afraid not...it has nothing to do with us. You see, God will let us see our sin again and again and again and will let us walk back down the isle to Him again and again and again to show US how much HE loves us. We can try all we want to be justified by our works and by our actions here on the earth. But no matter how good they make us feel about ourselves, that doesn't defeat the Truth...the fact that Jesus had to come to earth to die for us. Don't you think before Jesus came to earth that there were good people? People who did the right thing, went to church every Sunday, tithed 10%, and fed the poor? Jesus had to come anyway because we can't save ourselves. Rather He came to save us FROM ourselves. Here I am Lord...running back down the isle to You....

God doesn't just have 20/20 vision...He has Jesus vision!

I have wanted to write about some new developments in my walk with the Lord for a while now. I have been hesitant. I feel overwhelmed with things I need to get done and the sin I need to overcome though before I can accept His blessing. But this is so wrong! I've already been giving this gift...It was given to me over 2000 years ago. All I have to do is accept it. Whatever joy that I have on this earth is just second rate. No marriage, no career, no amount of money could compare with the riches found in Christ Jesus. Nothing. And lucky me...I've found it! I find it everynight when I am laying in bed thinking about how I could have done things differently that day. How I could have reached someone better if only I had chosen different words...or how I should have kept my mouth shut in that instance, or how I should have said no to the extra desert and how I should be able to practice self-control. Blah blah blah...I screw up everyday!!! What a relief to know that God working in my life doesn't depend on my faithfulness. Isn't it refreshing that Him speaking to me through His Word doesn't have anything to do with how I treated others that day....that not going to church every sunday (or any Sunday) has nothing to do with how much He cares about me....that Him moving in my life doesn't depend on how much I can love others. You see, He views me with a different set of glasses....we see with human vision but He sees with Jesus vision. We are put through a filter where all He sees when He sees me is His perfectness(Is that a word? No...okay well, it should be.) Because in His sight, I am perfect. I screw up EVERYDAY and don't read my bible and don't go to church, and have a bad attitude, and say cuss words, and think bad thoughts about people and then do bad things to people...yet I am perfect when He is wearing His Jesus glasses. You see, when He sees me, He sees Jesus. Who was perfect. A perfect Son. A Son that God let go to come and cover me up. So that when He looked at me in all my filth and earth and dirt, He would see my perfectness. And why would He withhold His love, faithfulness, grace, blessings, ect from someone as perfect as His Son? He wouldn't. How much He longs to give good gifts to those He loves! All it takes is me realizing, accepting it, and living in that each day!! And that's all it takes for you too!!

No...about the new developments in my walk...that will come later. It's just awesome to know that God can be moving in my life, in my heart, in my mind without depending on me to have all the answers. How crazy it seems to trust your life to this crazy untame God! But how marvelous at the same time!!

Are You still there?

Sometimes, when needed, I have to demand in prayerful persistence for God to prove Himself to me. For Him to come back to me after spiritual dryness. I pray for His presence to overwhelm me again. He has been faithful time and time again! No matter how long the season of dryness is. During my back troubles, it seemed to last forever. Several months. He came back into a visible tangible presence in more and better ways that I could ever imagine. Well, in times of growth and maturity, He leaves for a time. He never leaves my side but His visible presence is not to be felt for a while. I grow to miss Him and to miss His leading. After tons of time together with Him while I was in New Zealand, I came back to the states totally dry and void. I was almost numb upon arriving home. I prayed for the "fine china to dine off of" instead of the paper plates I was getting. (Shane and Shane) He came back into my life physically bigger than ever!!

I made a prayer journal for the summer for myself. I neglected to write in it a lot however. So, I decided to start using it now to write down facts and information about the nations. I decided to do a different country each week and to pray for that country. I wanted to do it to educate me on the rest of the world as well as praying for real needs. I decided to do all countries in Africa. I randomly put my finger on the big continent and it landed on Libya. However, like so many other projects that I want to start, this one didn't seem to lift off the ground. After forgetting about this idea for a while, God brought it back to my heart in a powerful way. I had some free time and was sitting in front of the tv. I pulled out my computer and when I opened up my Internet explorer to my country of the day(my home page delivers a new country to my eyes everyday to pray for), guess what it was? Libya!! I immediately remembered and God said, turn off the tv, get on your knees and start praying for this country! I looked up fact after fact and my heart began to break for this country that I hadn't thought twice of before. I found myself crying before my computer screen. In a country of 6 over million, there are only 100,000 Christians. It is an Arab country and 97% are Sunni Muslim. I was crying for this dark place! I have been praying for this country all week as God continues to give me a heart of compassion for them! That night, I began to sense His presence once more and He began to quench my thirst with His living water. Now all I want to do is take the water to Libya and feed them!! Lord, are you calling me to Libya? Are you calling me an Arab nation in the 10/40 window?

Only time will tell...as long as my heart continues to seek after Him! And the spiritual dryness must come routinely so that my heart WILL continue to seek Him! Not just seek, but seek HARD after Him! We don't exist just in the highs but also in the lows. If there were no lows, we wouldn't know how high the highs can get!

Beautiful New Zealand...

I have to keep asking myself, "Am I really here?" It is so hard to believe that I have the opportunity and privledge to be in one of the most beautiful countries in the world. And not by my idea...it was totally God that sent me here! How cool! I only have 3 more nights here and I am still figuring out exactly why I am here. Part of why I can't write out...yet...I think. Sometimes, the Lord can be so extreme and so unbelievable that it is hard to believe that I am living in His will. I think, "I'm living an absolute dream." When I was first walking with the Lord, I used to really look forward to living the dream that God was painting in my heart. So now, that I am walking firm with Him and actually living a life created for me, it is almost overwhelms me. I think these pictures sum up the beauty of New Zealand...and I have nothing more to say as I can't compete with the pictures... :)

I see Johnny Depp everywhere out here!!

I thought Atlanta ran at a fast pace. Which it does. But it is something all together different here. I can't put my finger on it. It reminds me of my time in Dalton. I lived there for 18 years but I am now just learning the colors that the trees turn. Or how beautiful a sunset it as you drive down Waugh Street. I spent most of my time there wishing that I could just get out of that town. Hoping for something more. I neglected to see what was right in front of me. I am not just talking about landscapes I missed out on. But also people!! I missed out on so many potential relationships because I had my head in the clouds. With my classmates, teammates, and family members. I feel that people here are missing out on so much. The same 'busy'ness exists here but in a different form. It may be a lot worse. People aren't taking the time to notice anything. Honestly, people really get on my nerves. It is kinda wearing on me. People are so quick to blow their horns. That exists in Atlanta sure but there are some grounded people who let you out in front of you. Not me....I am sure that I am the only person in this city who let a person out. I mean, why else would the lady look so shocked and surprised when I motioned for her to go ahead of me. Dealing with people who are such in a rush, made me think of the note card I keep on my dashboard. It says, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Jesus Commands us to Love one another. This has no exceptions. Not because those people deserve our love and have given us love first, but just because....in view of the Cross. So yesterday, when I was driving, this women was cussing me out. I could read her lips in the rear view mirror. She had been laying on the horn because I refused to run the red light. Sitting in her designer shades behind her fancy Mercedes Benz, she is NOT acting like a lady should and is instead putting curses on me. So this is my thought process. "Lord, I really want to flick her off right now. I want to follow in my daddy's footsteps and get out of my car and go and give her a piece of my mind." "Whitney, your attitude should be the same as Christ Jesus." Crap. I think how can I treat others, especially those who are so mean, ugly, rude and nasty, better than myself? Isn't that what Christ did? I heard in a sermon recently by Andy Stanely, a way to start out doing this. He said to picture your favorite celebrity. What would you do if they were to walk in the room right now? Well naturally I thought of Johnny Depp. Not only is he absolutely gorgeous but he is also....well what does it matter? He is breathtaking to look at. So what would I do if he were to walk into my room? I would be falling over myself. Making sure he had everything he needed. If he was blowing his horn at me then I would think he probably had some perfect explanation as to why he was in a hurry, I would run the redlight for him, I would let him drive around me, I would get out of my car and stop the other lanes of traffic so he could get to where he was going. Now, here is the punchline. We are to treat everyone as if they are movie stars! Wasn't I treating Mr. Depp as better than myself? Of course....and that is what Christ commands. Not because that women in the Benz deserves it...because she doesn't. But I should treat her like royalty because I don't deserve it and that is the treatment I get from Christ. It makes things a lot easier. So needless to say...out in the sunny state of California, I am seeing Johnny Depp EVERYWHERE!!! Love you guys...

Lessons learned on the African Terrain...

So most of you know that I spent the summer in Africa in '06. I grew so much....or I should say that I died so much. My life as I knew it was completely and utterly ruined. I will never be the same. Ya know, we were over there to serve the Swazi people, to love on them, and to meet their needs, but honestly, I took away so much more from them...more then I ever gave to them. I think that is a big point of missions. We, here in America, sitting in our comfortable chairs, with good houses, access to clean water, food ect ect, think we can do so much for those......over there. Yes, we may can supply their physical needs. But the truth is, they are living the dream. You see, the majority of them have found contentment in the little that they do have. They have to skip dinner because they have no money. And they praise the Lord. They have to walk 5 miles to work and back. And they praise God. They work ALL DAY LONG just to put food on the table every night...neglecting other things that life can offer like education...or FUN...because they don't have any other choice. Yet they praise God. They are truly happy. That was a big lesson I learned. And a hard one to learn. It's hard realizing that everything you have ever had your whole life means nothing. I mean a lot of us make up our identities based on the car we drive, the place we work, the house we live in, or the friends we surround ourselves with. Without some of these things, we would fall apart. And that is exactly what happened to me. I was completely broken....I had to depend on God....like most of the Swazis have been doing their whole life. Below is a journal entry from June 16th 2006. Ahhhhh, I can't believe that I am posting it. It is so personal and intimate but yet I will be walking in disobedience if I don't share it. I hope you can see the change in me. If Jesus has come into your life and not WRECKED it completely then you don't know Jesus. Not like He was meant to be known. And I honestly think that the relationship with Him begins when you realize that you have nothing apart from Him. When you are broken and asking to be poured out like a drink. Missions is a great way to gain perspective and for God to show up and meet YOUR needs...all along you think you are meeting their needs....HA! Can you hear God laugh? I think God has laughed quite a bit at my poor expense....but that is for another day....:)



June 16th, 2006....this was right when I got home from home visits where we actually went out into the community and visited the locals...saw them exactly how they live...I was devastated at first...



"I don't know what to do or think or say. I went on home visits today and saw some pretty sad things. I'm overwhelmed. I don't know what to change. What does it mean to be prosperous? The Lord says He wants to prosper us and to give us hope and a future. How is an old gogo who sits on a mat all day long, who doesn't get to eat for days straight, and has no children...how is that prosperous? It's not fair God!! Why do I equate prosperous with money and things? I feel that everyone deserves to live like Americans. God, why are people so poor? Why is it so ingrained in my brain? I just want to go home and be with my family. I never want to go back and see what I saw. I don't want to be a missionary overseas. God, what do you want me to learn from this? I prayed for brokenness but I didn't expect this. My heart is broken and I'm aching. I just want to cry. God, why was I born into a good materialistic life? That was your doing. Am I blessed? Or am I cursed? 'It is harder for a rich man to enter heaven than for a camel to enter the eye of a needle.' If was this poor and gross and smelly and sick and old, would I be more likely to turn to Jesus? I would be desperate. Is that why you allow it God? God, change my heart about things your life. Prosperous doesn't always equal money, nice things, nice house, friends, popularity, big church or knowing a lot of people. Lord, please redefine my definition of prosperous. Prosper me in the way you define it. Will I be able to go back to USA with these images in my head? Will I be able to go back and not do anything about this? I feel there is nothing for me to do. I want to stay away from those houses. God, change this attitude. You are worthy to be praised and although I don't understand or think it's fair, I will choose to praise you anyway. Praise your name. Bless you Father. I bless your sovereignty and your choices on who you bless with money and who you don't. I love you. "



June 17th and beyond....what God taught me...



"God is showing me scriptures about what prosperity means....Luke 12:13-'a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.' Okay, Lord, what does a man's life consist of? Why poverty, death, rape, destruction, sickness, and no friends? Why does life consist of these things? 'Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes' Luke 12:23 'for everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.' Luke 12:48. 'What is highly valuable among man is detestable in God's sight.' Luke 16:15.

My life is in the hands of a big confusing God. But what I know about Him, I know He is good, powerful and sovereign and He does what is best for me. So I want Him to be in control. Would I give up everything to follow Jesus? Luke 14:33

I need to change my view on money, wealth, possessions, clothes ect. I want to sell my car, get rid of my clothes, ect. They will all pass away quicker than I will. I want my husband to think like this too.

Later on in the day....

"God has been showing me how selfish I am. I am living in a world that is all about me. K-101 Whit...where Whitney plays all day everyday. I feel like the world revolves around me.. I have been short with people on this trip and mean because I wasn't wanting them in my life. But God cherishes all people and so should I. I should cherish what they cherish.



This next journal entry was a turning point for me. The title of the page in my journal reads, THE DAY. I took a picture of the spot where I was sitting to mark the point where Jesus, the freight train, ran me over and ruined me. It was a special day...

Has God ever become so real to you that you cry? I was bawling out apologies for every complaining about my back and all the bitterness I felt. I felt/feel like a lover begging for forgiveness from another lover because I cheated on them. I feel as though God is right here. I understand the song, 'You are the air I breathe'. Lord, you are everything to me, more than a story , more than words on a page of history, the air that I breathe, the water I thirst for, the wind beneath my wings. God, I want you apart of everything I do. I asked you why we as humans were created. You said, 'do you have joy?' I said yes. Then You said, 'well I have joy too.' We were created for your good pleasure. You pleasure in us and we pleasure in you. Why not just immediately put us in heaven though? Because you get more pleasure when we choose you. I get pleasure when I get chosen 1st for things. You do too. We were made in your image. So we are alike in that I guess. I've been waiting for this day for 2 years. Over two years. It's here and its glorious. Look at picture 247 or 248(my pics were numbered and this was to remember the exact spot where I was sitting when I was writing this). That's where I'm sitting. I feel that God has brought me here with all the back problems I've had. I've cried out to you Soooo much. You have heard my cry. I love my back and every pain I ever had. All the lonely nights in the hospital, all the doctors, all the nausea from the pain, headaches, butt pillows, pity parties. EVERYTHING...because of the realization I have right now. You had a plan for me. Look at me now. You knew what you were doing. You are so real and so big. I want you to be my center. Even if I'm in pain and affliction. You know better. You can have me Lord. Take my family, my friends, my comfort, my home, my husband if I even get one...You have me instead. Take me. Call me to missions. I still feel like I'm holding onto my life. Help me God. Take my life. Make me a martyr. Take it all.

These are just a taste of all that I learned. Can you see the transformation? Glory to God! God is still redefining my definition of prosperity. I don't enjoy shopping as I once did. I think anyone who has traveled to a third world country feels the same. To me, it means...prosperity of the heart....not in one's possessions. Can you be joyful with what you have got...whether it is a little or a lot? Inner prosperity is what I have decided is worth fighting for in this life. And inner prosperity is found in knowing your purpose in life. If you are living in the will of God that was created and designed especially for you....then you have this prosperity!! And it won't matter whether you have the latest designer purse, a good car, are in a relationship, or eating awesome expensive food. You will start walking in His grace and understand that we were created for His good pleasure. Everything else fades away into the distant...