The Lord never changes!

As a Christian, I feel as though I am forever waiting.  I am waiting on God to show me my future. The picture that God is painting for my life becomes clearer everyday.  I once heard it described as a polaroid picture that takes a long time to develop.  I don't know where I will be in 1 year, much less 5 or 10 years like some people.  I do know that it will involve missions and traveling as I feel confirmation from the Lord on that and in the picture that is somewhat developed, that is what I see.  Since I feel that way now, I thought it only natural to travel this summer with the 6 weeks that I have off.  However, every door that I'm praying to open has stayed closed.  It seems as though I am to stay in Atlanta or perhaps Dalton for 5-6 weeks as I wait to finish school.  Frustrated?  That doesn't begin to describe how I used to feel about this situation as I am the kind of person to take charge of things.  Its hard to let go of my desires and trust the desire that God has for me instead.  Its been easier to this week as I keep reminding myself that God's way is better and that he will 'smooth' out the path before me.  I stumbled across 1st Corinthians 12:4-5 which says "There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit.  There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord."  

Why do I get the feeling that I am going to be doing something that I don't regard as 'high service'?  I don't have to be on a mission trip and plugged into a specific ministry to be serving my Lord.  But the thought of working at Walgreen's for 5 weeks makes me want to jump off my 3rd story balcony. 

New blog

stufffchristianslike.com

This blog is so refreshing and shines a different light on the ups and downs of Christianity.  Actually, it gives a more raw honest look into the Christian bubble we tend to have and seems to bridge a gap between 'them' and us.   It makes fun of the silly things we do while sticking firm to biblical truths.  

Check it!

In addition! Please read post below before this one!

God works for the good of those who love Him! (Romans 8:28)  Again, He is a masterful weaver, weaving out stories, people and events daily throughout my life.  Thank you God for passionate believers whom we can fellowship with and learn about You from.  This was shared with me tonight as a fellow seeker of our Lord was studying the book of Isaiah. 

Isaiah 46:16:  I will lead the blind by ways they have not known.  Among unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn darkness into light before them and make the rough places SMOOTH.  These are things I will do; I will not forsake them. 

Again, making my path smooth. Why do I even worry about the next step for me?  The Lord is my guide.  My destination?  His purpose!!

Smooth Operator....AKA Jesus!!

I am not a very good writer but the novelist of all novelists keeps giving me stories to tell.  This story is particularly about the fingerprints of God.   Not only is he an author of the most popular book of all time and currently, short stories by  yours truly, but He is also a weaver.   Yes, a weaver who takes little pieces of thread; different colors, textures, and shapes and weaves them together to make them beautiful.  Now, I am a masterpiece.  No laughing please.  I am a masterpiece because Ephesians 3:10 says, "For we are God's masterpiece."  See?  Phillipians 1:6 also says that "...He who began a good work in you will carry it on unto completion until the day of Jesus Christ."  With Jesus covering me, I am perfect.  Because of the sacrifice of our Savior, we can stand boldly and without shame before our God in heaven. ONLY because of Jesus standing in between. But until we are in heaven, I believe, that He is forever perfecting us and calling us even higher in our walk with Him.   For me, someone with little faith, I need to feel God and to experience His faithfulness.  For some reason, God chooses over and over again to listen to my frustration and reveal Himself to me.  This is how I grow and how I get closer to our Lord. Which brings me to the point of this story.  I promise I have a point!!

I have 6 weeks off this summer.  I had plans.  Plans were ruined.  I tried to make other plans.  Every door keeps shutting.  I asked God if he wouldn't mind shooting me an email with detailed instructions of what I am supposed to do.  But did I get one?  Of course not, and honestly, if I did, I wouldn't be serving a most High Being worthy of me bowing down and saying,  "My Lord and my God."   Doubting Thomas uttered these words after Jesus made him wait to reveal himself.  He wasn't on Thomas's timetable and he's not on mine either.  What kind of God would he be if he catered to little 'ole me and my demands?  Instead, He shows me his fingerprints and his masterful weaving abilities.  

In a night of prayer over these matters and others, I prayed and prayed for a dream.  Weird I know but I have done it before and the Lord has really shown up.   It is one way He HAS to speak to me; His unbelieving at times, servant.   I dreamt over and over the word SMOOTH.  In fact, in my dream, I saw someone shaving their face and remarking to me how SMOOTH it was.  Smooth, I prayed?!?  I woke up feeling as though it was so real and that the Lord really wanted to impart the word SMOOTH to me that day.  I went and had a smoothie for breakfast.  I shaved my legs and they were oh so smooth. But no revelation about the future until today. Talking with a good friend about my dilemmas for the summer, he offered up some wisdom and some of God's word for me to study.  The first verses I skimmed over were very encouraging and then I came to.....

"You are a God who does what is right, and You SMOOTH out the path ahead of them."  

He weaved my dream with a revelation from His word.  He knows how much I love it when things connect.  I wouldn't have read this verse so closely and wouldn't have paid much attention to it without the emphasis from my dream.  It forced me to tears and forced me to my knees where I proceeded to cry, "My Lord and my God." 

I was worried and frustrated that I don't always have all the answers  but happy that I serve such an awesome God.   He will show me when the time is right.  In the meantime, I will admire the work in progress, namely the beautiful woven work He is completing before my very eyes. 

Easter Sunday

My body is long. My body suffers many aches and pains.  Its fair in color but turns red upon embarrassment. My skin loves the feel of the sun and I love the brown color I turn in the summers.  My body gets bigger when I eat too many ding-dongs and gets smaller when I cut back and eat more broccoli.  I have a long torso and even longer legs. My body is an oddly shaped organism that houses my spirit while I am here temporarily.  My body has been with me for 24 years and will be with me as long as I live.  We shape our bodies as the years pass.  The face and body we have at 40 is the face and body we deserve.  

We celebrate Easter as the resurrection Sunday, where Jesus is, well, resurrected. He is raised to a new life. When appearing to Mary and his disciples however, they didn't recognize him.  They saw him in the flesh, but in different flesh, as the oak tree is different form the acorn from which it grew.  Our body is a mystery.  One I don't understand.  How can Jesus be raised to life?  How is he back in the flesh?  Where is He then? How can flesh transcend time, distance, and even heaven?  Will we still have heart beats at the resurrection?  See, this is such a mystery to me!  I want my body to express myself and my spirit.  I don't want it to yield to weariness and rebellion.  I want it to a reflection of Him, whose body was raised from the dead. However, our faith teaches us that it won't be that perfect reflection of Him until we are resurrected too.  We will be resurrected into our perfect body and we will be made new. We will be unrecognizable as the Oak tree.     Can you imagine?  Being raised from your grave?

NOTE: My pastor talked about this today. I am just plain perplexed as you can't tell.  Some of the things I said were taken as ideas from the book, "Sacred Space" from the Jesuit Communication Centre in Ireland.  Please help me out here if you have any insight. :)

Bzzzzz go the bees....

Anxiety. Apathy. 

Burden. 

Condemned.

Dread.  Drained.  Disappointment. 

Failure. Fraud. Fake. Failure. 

Hopeless

Not worthy

Overwhelmed. 

Shame. Shameful. 

Unworthy. 

Weary. 

We could go from A-Z of words that describe the human condition at times.  At low times in particularly. Why are we as Christians haunted with such negative words. Why do I feel as though I'm attacked...even daily?  I feel like David in Psalm 118:12, "They swarmed around me like bees..."  Thoughts, anxious feelings, and lies swarming my head. They can be like a constant buzz that becomes part of our existence and impacts daily decisions. Part of this blog was to be honest...brutally honest even.  To bare my soul in the hopes to reconnect with a God whom at times seems so far away and to offer hope to other struggling in this life. God gave us life and gave it to us abundantly but it doesn't come for free or with no cost. We must fight for Him and for our relationship with Him unless we want to fade off into a complacent world full of self.  My problem isn't recognizing that I have settled into a state of apathy but of moving out of it into the place the Lord is beckoning me. He is calling me to come higher and to come away with Him. What is keeping me stagnant, keeping my heels on the ground, keeping me....here?  Why can't I push on in this race that is marked out for me? Why can't I throw off the sin that so easily entangles?  It is the thoughts!  This despair that nothing I can do makes me right with God anyway. It is by Grace I have been saved.  That keeps me still.  It is the thought that I am a fake. A Fraud and that if people only knew me beneath the layers that they would be disappointed, shocked and appalled.  I would feel that shame and that scares me. Why would I push myself into deeper with God if it only makes me more fake and even less authentic?  

Wow, what a pit of lies from the pit of all pits.  You know exactly where those lies have originated. From our enemy who hates us.   Why now?  Why have I never had to see past these lies as they never entered my soul in this way?  Why is darkness so entering my soul that its becoming harder and harder to filter it out and let the light shine. Oh, how I wish the light could shine again through me. Instead, the light is shining directly on me and revealing this deep dark stuff.  Which is the point.   Perhaps that was John was talking about in Matthew 3:12.  "His winnowing work is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor, gathering his wheat into the barn and burning up the chaff with unquenchable fire."   Maybe, just maybe, this is God's way of building that character in me that He so desperately wants me to have.  He wants me to walk with Him...every step of the way.  I won't be validated by anything but Him.  Hypothetically, If I were able to deal with these negative thoughts on earthly terms, you would see me over active in things. I would be full of works with no depth.  I would have tons of surface level relationships....much like the stagnant relationship that would exist with Him. I would be spread wide and thin.  I am convinced that the Jesus who said, "I have come to give life and give it abundantly..." doesn't want me to live such a way.    Instead, I am to be validated by Him remembering that everytime God looks at me and all my sin, failures, anxieties, worry, dread and despair, He sees something else.  He sees Jesus in all his glory, splendor, majesty, holiness, and truth.  That is how we defeat these thoughts my friend.   We can start a new list of adjectives and nouns and everytime an old one pops up, we can replace it with the new.  

Appreciated. 

Beautiful. 

Forgiven. 

Gifted. 

Hope. 

Loved.  Light. 

Perfect. 

Worthy. 

Looking back at David in Psalm 118: 12, "They swarmed around me like bees, but they died out as quickly as burning thorns; in the name of the Lord I cut them off. "  In Jesus' name, we cut them off!   We can stop the bzzzzz! Do you know the true meaning of Savior?  I do. He's saved me from a lifetime of pain, regret, from a life without Him.  That was the Sunday school answer.  But He has literally saved me from myself.  From the Enemy.  Physically, spiritually, emotionally, I have been spared.   He has allowed me to stand on my tiptoes and to slowly walk up higher with Him.  On the threshing floor I am starting to stand up.  This time, I'm standing with more integrity, honor, and more authenticity then I thought was possible in my life. I thought I was hopeless. This blog is allowing me to voice my rejoicing at the amazing God we serve!   Thank you for reading. 

In the darkness..

"May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope is in You."  Psalm 25:21. 

"The combined features or traits that make up a person."  This is the dictionary definition of character.  But I believe the meaning of our 'character' is much much deeper than that.  Our character determines our inner thoughts and actions.  Are we authentic?  Does what we do in the world reflect what is going on in the inside? God knows our hearts, our motives, our desires....and He knows if they match up or not.  As we grow closer in our walk with the Lord, some temptations that our Enemy may have used to make us stray are seen less and less.  Instead, he works in more crafty ways.  One way is by attacking our character, our integrity, our uprightness.   How can we apply the verse in Psalm 25:21 to our lives if our character is not developed?  As God refines us, don't be surprised if He starts to mold your character!  

This is what I have been learning the last few months.  I haven't written about it because honestly I didn't know what He was up to.  I was frustrated, mad and felt like a failure because I wasn't hearing from Him as normal.  I felt as thought He had taken His favor away and I was shattered.  David describes it well, "When I felt secure, I said  'I will never be shaken.' Oh Lord, when you favored me, You made my mountains stand firm. But when you hid your face I was dismayed."  What happens when God hides his face and it seems as though He has taken away His favor? Are we still apt to cry out to Him?  Well, I get frustrated.  I have been in this dry season.  I feel as though I am just sitting around waiting on God to move in several areas of my life.   And I hear Him ever so lightly whisper that He is building my character.  He doesn't just want me to walk through life with Him, with rainbows and butterflies to guide me.  Sure, He used those happy colors and pure goodness to draw me to Him. But now that He's got my attention He is begging me to continue to follow Him...to come up higher with Him.  To follow Him not because of the blessings He can shower on me but because of my faith in Him. Do I have faith to trust Him when he doesn't give me what I want?  Oh, that I could learn to pray in the dark.  You see, I am convinced that He wants more than just a faithful walk with us here on earth. No, He wants us to receive rewards in heaven.  He wants us to receive glorious crowns. He wants all of us...the inner and outer parts. 

Yes, Lord.  When you have hidden from me, and have removed your presence, let me not grow weary but let my character build up. Let me trust you when I am surrounded by doubt, confusion and darkness.  Let me come to the place where my character, my integrity and my uprightness can protect me as I put my hope in you. 

Let us pray in the dark.