Walking, Seeking, Stumbling, Growing, Maturing, Falling, Crawling, and Running through this life. The Lord is my guide. My goal? To leave this place better then when I entered it...
I love poems...I love writing them and reading them. I can't believe I am going to post them. I think Anna Nalick says it best in her song 2am... " 2AM and I'm still awake, writing a song, If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me, Threatening the life it belongs to; And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd, Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud; And I know that you'll use them, however you want to."
This poem was written after inspiration that came unexpectedly from the book of Joshua...
16And Caleb said, "I will give my daughter Acsah in marriage to the man who attacks and captures Kiriath Sepher." 17 Othniel son of Kenaz, took it; so Caleb gave his daughter Acsah to him in marriage. 18 One day when she came to Othniel, she urged him [e] to ask her father for a field. When she got off her donkey, Caleb asked her, "What can I do for you?" 19 She replied, "Do me a special favor. Since you have given me land in the Negev, give me also springs of water." So Caleb gave her the upper and lower springs.
I am my beloved and my beloved is mine... But this only is being revealed with time For right now I belong to a Love bigger than I I rest on a promise that has called me die.
Die? You might ask with bewilderment rightly so, Yes, I would respond, with confidence that stretches from high to low I've died to myself, my wants, and to this world, Instead, I'm on a journey with eyes closed that requires me to say, Yes Lord
So back to my beloved, my Othniel, whom I will forever wait, He is there, looking for His Tirzah, awaiting our fate; But in the meantime, I will look to the horizon... My eyes on the source which fuels my run
God keeps painting a sunset into my heart; An adventure, of a role in a story in which I have a part The truth is that it doesn't start when Romeo meets Juliet It has already begun, when my heart and Jesus met.
As I rest on the hill full of life, joy and peace, that I've found in my Savior who loves me without cease I will still stand and look and wait... as Ascah waited for a warrior to take as a mate
I too will not settle for only the hope of a distant land But will wait for my Othniel to win precious Ascah's hand And together our focus will be directed to our King We will boldly ask for the upper AND lower springs.
1st John 4:17: In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him.
I have read of God's love and have tasted small doses of it...as much as He thinks I can handle. I have now put my trust in His love...after months...nay years of learning about Him, from Him, and experiencing His love. I want God to live in me and thus live in love. So why is it so hard for me to love? The reason I have to ask that question is an answer to it. I try to love. You may read that sentence and think, 'well how can trying to love be a bad thing?' It's not the act that makes it bad...its the fact that we think we need to try. Let me explain...I don't think it should be an act. I guess it may start out that way as we are earnestly trying to serve Him but it should never be easy or hard to love someone. It should just.......be. Just as the air enters our nostrils with every breath we take....love should emanate from every Christian outwards to the world. We ought to remember that God is love...and as we are becoming more like Him in this journey of life, we should also become....love. It should be part of our essence, our being...our self. I can't help but equate it to the moon. The moon reflects the glory of the sun at night. The moon shines brightly because of its source. We can reflect the glory of The Son. Our source is Jesus Christ and we should reflect His glory, His essence, His being...which is love. Make no mistake that people who aren't Christ followers may be able to dish out love...but they must work at it...they must try. Unfortunately, they have never tasted of God's love personally or truly experienced it and they can't walk in it. But we who are Christians can and MUST walk in it. 1st John 4:17 promises that as we live in God, our love grows more perfect...again it becomes apart of us and we don't' have to try so hard...we become love...as hippieish as that may sound. If you find yourself trying...stop. As you begin to realize His love for you, it becomes natural...it becomes a part of you...it becomes you. Yes, God is love and we can be all about love too!! YES, LORD, LET US BE LOVE!!
Revelation 2:17-- I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it known only to him who receives it. The first time the Lord called me His own I was in my jeep driving in Rome, Ga. I don't know where I was going, or what I was doing, but I was constantly searching for a path to go down. A path to start walking down that would define the rest of my life. I was in the 'searching' stage of college that so many people go though...some for their whole lives as they look for fulfillment in thing after thing that may come along. One path that I could take was the steady boyfriend whom I loved dearly. This path offered happiness, popularity, success, contentment, a diamond ring, and what every other America girl seems to dream for. But it lacked.......mystery, realness and adventure. It was all planned out. It lacked what my heart truly desired even though I had no idea what that was. Have you ever thought that you were missing something but you couldn't place your finger on exactly what that is? The second path was a narrow one. One that I didn't see a lot of people traveling. Only one person stands out in my mind and that is my good friend Neeley. It was there in my car on Turner McCall BLVD when I was praying to SOMETHING bigger than myself. Something that I didn't even know existed because I wasn't even convinced that God was real. I was just crying out. My heart was in anguish about SOMETHING. (Romans 8:26-...but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express) I was crying out for answers, for a peace, for something...anything. And like in the blink of an eye a stillness came over my heart and I heard a voice, not audible as that would be too simple. No, it was as if this voice, if you want to call it that, filled my heart, my mind, my sould, my arms, my legs, and gave breath to my lungs and caused the blood to course through my veins. Gently, it said, "my child."
Lord, is that you? Yes. For the first time I was ever confident in walking down that untrodden path. I was confident in having to break up with my boyfriend, in choosing to ready my bible, in not hanging out with certain friends, and in becoming someone who belonged to a Heavenly Father. My identity as "His Child" consumed my life. And that's exactly what I was...a child. I still screwed up(I didn't break up with my bf for months and still partied a lot). But God was in the process of perfecting me and disciplining me (Deuteronomy 8:6). Slowly but surely He was making me more like Him. All this time, he has desired to give me "real food" instead of the milk I had been given. (1st Corinthians 3:2). Yes Lord, I am finally ready for more!! he has looked at me again and given me a new name. He's layed His new identity over me. As I was praying for God to tell me what it was, I was overcome with emotion and almost started crying in the middle of the airport when I was writing this in my journal. At the time I had received a white stone but no name. So I waited in anticipation. What I got 4 minutes later seemed unfair. Not unfair for me but for Him. I went from being His child to becoming "His Joy". I was flabbergasted. I bring you joy? I fought with Him for awhile and then finally gave in and let His grace and unmerited favor surround me. I had received my stone and written on it was "My Joy." That is what He desires to give all of us. I, by just being myself, nothing more, nothing less, bring Him joy. I don't have to try and please Him, I don't even have to feel guilty when I screw up(even though I do) because I bring Him joy just because. Just like the air we breathe and the sun in the sky, we exist to bring Him joy...
Almost two weeks ago, I started my tour of the nation...well of 3 main states. I started out in Nashville and hung out with 3 awesome girl friends of mine. 3 girls with whom I shared a hut, my food, my clothes, my tears, and the beautiful mountains of Swaziland with all last summer. I won't bore you with the details of what we did but I was just so refreshed and refined after hanging out with them...it was awesome. And then......I hung out with the boys... I flew to Oklahoma where Colegrin picked me up. I got to meet his whole family and we roadtriped down to San Antonio and stayed with our friend, Robert, otherwise known as Bob, Bobert, or Garsha. What an amazing week I had!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not only hanging out, being completely myself, watching hours and hours of The Office, but more importantly being loved and cared for by two awesome men of God. I got to see them interact with their girlfriends and realized that I was right all along in being their friend. (haha jk) They love the Lord and try to serve Him in all they do...including their relationships with their girlfriends. They are awesome guys and I can only hope that I get to develop more relationships like the ones I have with these guys with more of my guy friends. And BTW, they are hilarious!!!! All I did was laugh the whole week...it is really quite pathetic because we three have been texting, and calling each other since we left...haha
I know I started out saying that I was on a tour of the nation. But to be honest, seeing more of the US was more of an added benefit. The friends that I got to catch up with and hang out with was my main reason for going. God just loves blessing me and so I got to fulfill both passions of mine...investing into my friends and traveling! What more could I ask for in a vacation? It was indeed a week full of wonderful, relaxing Saturdays....
Hey beautiful people! So...I decided to start a blog a long long time ago. I felt like I needed to share the things going on in my world but was very hesitant to do so. I hate the thought of everyone knowing my business and my most intimate thoughts. The Lord has been working in me and through me and at first I felt the Lord pulling on my heart to share it with everyone in hopes of encouraging others and relating to other peoples walks'. It's to the point now where I will feel disobedient if I don't do it. I just don't want people knowing this stuff...that stuff the drives me, that makes me go from day to day, and the stuff that makes me who I am. Because to be honest, I don't lead the most clean, honorable, and glamorous life. I struggle...a lot. I struggle with trusting God every day, with keeping my promises and in believing the promises that God has for me. I struggle with loving my friends, my mom, my dad, my roommates. I struggle with giving the Lord ALL of my time, my money, my thoughts, my everything. I struggle. So what you are seeing in the many blogs that will be posted are my struggles. But it won't stop there. I serve a faithful God and so you will see resolutions to those struggles. You will see His hand in me and see changes, transformations, and periods where there were question marks. And trust me, I ask a LOT of questions. We have an intelligent, all-knowing God who longs for us to seek after Him, lavish us with His love, and for us to delight in Him. So of course He will give us the answers we are looking for. Just maybe not in the way we expect. I have this strange desire brewing in me to get a degree in journalism. Haha...as I explore this avenue of writing out my life in a blog, I'm sure He will reveal His higher purpose. So I choose to be obedient. Here is my life exposed for the world to see....there WILL be more to come...
